# Lec 01: Relational Development and Maintenance - I **Channel:** IIT Roorkee July 2018 **Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvnHzd-f4_k **Transcript page:** https://www.withtranscript.ai/video/RvnHzd-f4_k ## Chapters - 0:24 — Introduction to Workplace Relationships Skills - 8:58 — Early Relationship Formation Factors - 14:43 — Building Connections: Competence to Rewards - 24:04 — Dynamics and Maintenance of Relationships - 35:33 — Knapp's Model: Coming Together and Apart ## Transcript **[0:24]:** Hello, today we will be discussing about the relationship development and maintenance under this course of the managerial skills for interpersonal dynamics. Now, at workplace it is not only important that is how competent you are, but it is also very important how good team worker you are. So, therefore, there is a need to understand the different skills for developing the relationship and maintenance of the relationship. **[1:01]:** In this particular topic, I will be discussing about the why do we form relationship at the workplace. Many people believe that that is the workplace, it is not the place where the relationship is to be developed, because they feel that is the development of relationship is the personal. When we go through the behavioral science, we find that is whenever we are at the workplace, we are having the superior, subordinate, colleagues, internal customers and external customers. It becomes very important that is the we have to form a relationship with them. Whether it is the human relationship management or it is the customer relationship management, but in all the cases it is very-very important that is the we have to form the relationship because whenever we talk about the managerial effectiveness, in managerial effectiveness the human skills they are playing a very-very important role. **[2:00]:** And therefore, as a result of which the development of the relationship at the workplace is natural, but that should be professional relationship. Here we have to also understand we should be able to differentiate between the personal relationship and professional relationship. So, at workplace we are talking about the professional relationship because without professional relationship there cannot be a good understanding and therefore, in that case the efficiency and smoothness of the your productivity will depend on how good you have the relationship at your workplace. Second question arises characteristics of relationship, that is the what type of relationship we are going to have. So, there are the different types of the relationships are there at the workplace, I will be describing that all the type of the relationship, how to develop that relationship with the period of time. **[2:56]:** Here is the very-very important model which I will be discussing that is the next 10 stages of relationship and it will talk about that is how the relationship develops reach to the peak and then how the relationship that goes to the decline with the period of time. Then, when you are maintaining and developing the relationship, in maintenance it becomes very important damage control. Unless and until you do not control the damage of relationship that is like for example, anger. Anger will be a very-very important factor to affect the relationship, then whenever we are talking about the short temper behavior, misunderstanding, depression, anxiety, all these negative emotions, they will damage the relationship, but then question arises a smart manager. what he does? **[3:50]:** He repairs those damage of relationship. Dear friends, damage in relationship is not unnatural, it is very much natural, but the professionalism is that is you repair that damage of relationship and how smartly you repair that relationship that becomes very-very important and that we will be discussing in this particular course. I would like to start with the managerial effectiveness. In managerial effectiveness we study about the functions, functions are planning, organizing, coordinating, controlling and then leadership, directing, all these functions are very-very important, but these functions or incomplete in efficiency unless and until we do not support by the skills. So, this pyramid of the functions that has to be supported and based on the efficient skills. **[4:50]:** Now, for a manager, what type of the skills are required? The skills requirements are that is a technical skills, that is a job knowledge skills, human skills, that is the interpersonal skills, conceptual skills or analytical skills, where the person will be able to develop the analytical skills and then finally, the skills that is the design and innovation skills and that is nowadays creativity and innovation. I will be talking about the human skills, because when we talk about the technical skills, technical skills are more concerned with the job knowledge. Whenever we talk about the job knowledge, then in that case it becomes very very important that is the how competent you are. and the job knowledge is the ability that depends on your technical skills or the job knowledge skills. **[5:42]:** Second important which is related to our topic is that is the HR skills, human skills. At workplace how efficient you are to manage your human resources that will give the optimum output in the case of the managerial effectiveness. So, it is very-very important that how we develop our human skills and develop the interpersonal relationships. So, therefore, the second skills are important. Conceptual scales, yes I will be talking about but not directly, it will be through the case study analysis, problem solving approach and therefore, we will have the quizzes, we will have the exercises, we will have the case studies, we will have business games. **[6:29]:** So, therefore, in that case on all these aspects role playing specially important in this particular course we will find that is role playing is there. So, on all these aspects it becomes very-very important that is the how our concepts are clear and how we do the analytical skills. With the time period that there is a change, there is a change in the technology, in the pedagogy system, in the working systems, at the smart workplace and therefore, in that case the problems are different. and new and emerging problems are coming. To handle these problems, one should be provide the solutions with creativity and innovative ideas. **[7:19]:** A smart person, a smart manager, he will be able to come out with this particular skill that is called the creativity and innovative skills because for example, there is a problem of productivity. **[7:34]:** So, where do you focus? You focus on the machine or you focus on the man behind the machine and naturally we have to focus on both. So, but many times some people as we have discussed into the normally managerial greed and in managerial greed we talk about some people focus on the production, some people focus only on people but these creative people, the innovative people they have the mix of both and therefore, to increase the productivity they go through the focusing on the people also and focusing on the productivity machines also. **[8:17]:** Now, the next point which I would like to discuss that is, is there need to develop a relationship? Because many people have strong concept, strong belief that is the, there is no need of the development of relationship at the workplace. When we are thinking of the AI, artificial intelligence, then in the case of the artificial intelligence, the most of the machineries will be working and there will be very few human resources will be there, but in that case also it will be a challenge to maintain a relationship among the human resources and always we have to handle the human relations very carefully. **[8:58]:** The first and foremost that is why do we form the relationship, the first factor is appearance, is especially important in the early stages. Normally, at workplace when the superior interact with the subordinates or the subordinate interact with the superior. **[9:19]:** How they start? They start a perception, perception based on an image and image is based on the appearance, that is if my boss is looking like this. then definitely he will be a tough boss or he will be a good boss. So, therefore, in that case, it becomes very important that is the how is the appearance of the person. Now, appearance it does not only that we talk about that is a physical look. **[9:52]:** but appearance means how you are dressed, how your communication skill, how is your smile, how your eyes are talking, what your silence speaks about. So, this is all will part of the appearance in the first meeting and therefore, in the beginning at the early stages as it has been mentioned that there will be the appearance will play a very-very important role. Second is partners create positive illusions viewing another as more attractive over time. So, therefore, in that case what happens? We create our image with another person that we are very positive, we are supportive and therefore, an image is created and that creation of the image by the person from the one employee to the another employee and that is called the positive illusions are to be there. **[10:46]:** will be able to create more positive illusions, he will be having the better interpersonal relationship. Now, here we also have to understand, if the person is not able to create the positive illusions, then the relationship will be slow. I will not like to say that there will be no relationship at the workplace, because it takes time developing the relationships, but if you have positive illusions, your aura is positive, you look to be supportive, your communications skills are very helpful, then in that case definitely that positive illusion will support a strong relationship at the early stages. Now, it is not the question of the early stages because in early stages it is a beginning, but it is a constant and continuous process. you cannot create a positive illusion first day and then second day you become autocratic. **[11:47]:** So, therefore, in that case, the one will be one employee will be failed to create his positive illusion impressions and appearance. So, therefore, it becomes very important that the with the period of time over the time one should be able to develop that particular to a particular positive illusion and then an image of the positive personality that has to be created by the employees at the workplace. **[12:16]:** Second is in relationships, however, here I would also like to mention some hints about the perception. Perception is having the shortcuts in judging others. So, therefore, many times relationships are developed on the basis of the shortcuts. And if the shortcut is there then definitely it will the relationship will not continue for long time and it becomes very-very important that is whenever we are talking about the similarity effect. So, it is the one type of the shortcuts in judging others and on basis of that people definitely develop the relationship and finally they find that is no it was a wrong decision. **[13:04]:** The reason was that is it was the shortcut. So, what is the first characteristics? The first characteristics is we like people who are similar to us, for example, economic conditions. So, if you find that is the you are having a similar economic condition, so most of the times in the decision making process, in the discussions, the thought process will be same. But if there is a difference into the economic condition, then definitely the identifying the solution at workplace for a particular problem and then it will be difficult for an individual to cope up with the another individual because both are having the diversified background, economic background and as a result of which they will be difficult to cope up with each other. **[13:56]:** Second one is friendships are more likely to last when friends are similar to one another. So, as I mentioned that is the similarity plays a very, very, very important role. More is the similarity, stronger is the chances of the better relationship. So, therefore, it is always you have to see how we can develop a relationship. So, you will find, so another example in the demographic variables we can take of the age. **[14:27]:** If the age group is similar, then that case also you will find the development of friendship that becomes faster and it is a natural process. You can find a child, a small child when he sees another small child and then he gets attracted. **[14:43]:** So, therefore, in that case the age group that also makes a very, very important factor whenever when we talk about the development of relationship. Third factor after the appearance and similarity and that is the competence. We like to be around talented people. **[15:00]:** Now, you see everybody wants to be around talented people. If the perception is not about the employee is not good, that is he is not talented, he is not competent, he cannot solve the problem, then people will not like to make friendship with them. Always people like to develop a friendship with the person who is a competent person is there. So, therefore, then a question arises if you are talented and if you want that people should develop a relationship with you, then you have to express your talent. If you express your talent, then in that case definitely the people will be attracted towards you because they also need a talented people so that they can solve their personal problems at the workplace or in the personal life also. **[15:54]:** It is also second point is also very interesting, we cannot ignore that and that is if a person is too talented, then it can be difficult. Two talented persons they are firm in their opinions and therefore, they will not be able to develop the relationship with the other persons. So, we have to understand that is the we have to get attracted towards the talent, but that talent is required with a soft the understanding for the another person. Otherwise, it will be too difficult to maintain a relationship with a talented person. **[16:36]:** Fourth next one is there is a disclosure, disclosure talks about revealing information about yourself can help to build likings. Now, you see honesty, honesty becomes very-very important whenever there is a relationship between the two persons it is very, it is important that is they do not hide anything. because whenever they try to hide anything then the relationship will be damaged. So, it is always better have a openness in the relationship, when people what they are not but they try to show off that is they are of the of higher talent level, they are of the higher economic status, they are of the higher state of the society, if this type of the false information is projected by the employee then in that case that disclosure will break the relationship, but a disclosure which is required to develop to know the reality. the potential of the employee, the competency of the employee and then in that case it becomes very, very important that is the person is able to develop the disclosureship and not all disclosure leads to liking. **[17:53]:** If you compare these two factors, one is the competence, other is the disclosure. In the first point, in the both the factors we have seen that is the, they are the cause to develop the relationship. But when it is both the points, for example, talent is in excess or disclosure is in excess and then that will damage the relationship. So, therefore, in that case, whenever we develop a relationship, it becomes very, very important that is it should be moderate. If it is the too high, now question will arise what is too high and what is the moderate? **[18:34]:** So, it depends on the recipient end. for a person even 100 percent talent is not a very high talent. for a person even if the person demonstrate 50 percent of the talent then he finds that it is difficult for him to develop that particular, develop the relationship with that particular talent. So, therefore, here you will find that is whenever we are talking about the competence then in that case it becomes very-very important that is the we talk about that is how we are going to have this particular relationship among the talented people and then also those who are transparent. So, too much transparency in the relationship that will not help and too much talent in the relationship that will not help. **[19:26]:** So, therefore, a bridge, a bridge can be developed in the relationship when you meet to the people of more or less of the same talent or when you meet the people who are more or less they are having the same transparency level what you have then definitely in that case the interpersonal relationship will be better. The next factor which we talk about that is the proximity. We are likely to develop relationship with the people we interact with frequently. Now, I have talked about the similarity, I have talked about the disclosure, but you find that is the whenever you are interacting with the people frequently you start developing liking. **[20:12]:** Even in the beginning there may be a difference in the status of the people, there may be a difference into the economic conditions of the people, there might be the difference in the age of the people, but whenever you are having the developing the relation, interacting with the people very frequently, so therefore a sense of support develops. and that sense of support gives the emotional satisfaction and when it develops the emotional satisfaction, it converts into liking. Therefore, in that case, if there is a frequent interaction is there, the proximity, the frequency to meet the person is more than that will also develop a relationship. **[21:06]:** Another second point again, familiarity can also be breed contempt. Most aggravated assaults occur within the family. Now, this is also very, very important. We have to understand a balanced approach in the relationship. whether it is a similarity factor, whether it is a demographic factors, whether it is the frequency of meeting or whether it is a disclosure, whatever the factor is there which is developing the interpersonal relationship, it becomes very-very important that is we have to be careful, if we are not careful then though while the liking is developed but there can be the difference of opinion in certain points. **[21:55]:** If there are the differences of opinion then this may result into the more aggravation and if the aggravation crosses the limit then it may affect into the assault, maybe the physical assault, maybe the psychological assault. that is also possible and therefore, and that is like here it is given that is possible within the family too. So, therefore, in that case it is not only that our colleagues when we are developing the more proximity, more interaction and there will be the problem, but there can be the problem when you having too much too much interaction, too much transparency, too much similarity then definitely also that may be a problem for the developing the relationship. Another factor which is becoming very important that is the rewards. The social exchange theory says relationships that give us rewards greater than or equal to the cost of the relationship. **[22:58]:** So, therefore, we have to understand this particular sentence. Now, there is the rewards always give the greater attraction, rewards always give the strength then are equal to the cost of the relationship. So, therefore, here just I would also like to mention the limitation with this particular statement, that is the whenever the style of rewards accessing, you are giving more than what is deserving, then definitely in that case also the relationship will be damaged. So, to maintain the proper relationship, rewards are to be appropriate rewards, rewards should not be too expensive. Reward should not be too difficult to believe, that should be natural and that should be equal to, equal to the whatever the reciprocation of the whether the emotion or the work is there and therefore, in that case, it becomes the cost of the relationship that will develop repositively. **[24:04]:** Now, I will take one by one the characteristics of the relationships. Relationships are constantly changing. This is also very, very important. What makes a change? The change is because of the circumstances, change is because of the technology, change is because of the social factors, change is maybe because of the legal factors. **[24:33]:** So, therefore, in that case, if the relationships are getting affected by your social design, by your economic design, by your technological support either added or removed or it is maybe because of the their political reasons at workplace. Then in that case you will find that is the relationship will be keep on constantly changing. **[25:10]:** Now, here we have to understand it is a natural process. Some people they are not able to cope up with this particular situation, they feel that whatever the relationship is today that will remain constant for tomorrow, but it is not so. Whatever the relationship is today, it has to change tomorrow, which is a natural process like the growth the day, the day by day the growth is to be there, it is a natural process. So, similarly we have to understand that relationship will not be constant, relationship will be keep on changing and it is a natural process. **[26:00]:** The very very important factor is the culture. Here I would like to take the two aspects, one is the organization culture, other is the social culture. Organization culture, what is the culture in the organization? If organizational culture is to develop the human relationships, then definitely in that case you will find the workplace is becoming a very very very pleasant place. and create the happiness. **[26:31]:** But if the organization culture is leg pulling, backbiting then in that case it will be very-very difficult for a person to tolerate that particular culture and as a result of which there will be the breaking of a damage of the relationship is there. And therefore, it becomes very-very important that is the we understand the organization culture. In some organizations you will find there is no hierarchy level difference, all are equal, they are flat structures, but in some organizations you will find lot of bureaucratic culture. And therefore, in that case the hierarchy is to be maintained and therefore, the discipline and the communication that will be difficult and different in this type of the hierarchical culture. But where when we talk about that is the, they are going to be the affected by the another culture that is a social culture. **[27:41]:** We were talking about the joint families. So, joint families where we were able to support each other, we have to share the resources. **[27:55]:** Now, you see the relationship between the personal and professional relationship. In personal culture, you will find if there is a joint family, you have to share the resources, there are the siblings and you right from the childhood, yes, you have to share. When the same child becomes the manager in the organization, he will be able to share because he has learned to share the resources. But if the social culture is the single child and therefore a pampered child and never to share the resources, when this particular child, when he will become the manager what will be the consequence and then we will find the consequence will be he will be not ready to share his printer, his computer, his Wi-Fi with the other colleagues because he will find that is the no, I do not. While the earlier child who is coming from the joint family having the siblings then he will say I do, I do share, I do not share and therefore, it depends on relationship depends on the social and cultural background of that particular employee. **[29:19]:** and he because the value systems he has learned from his family and then organization is also a family and in the beginning of the experience of that particular organization culture that he will carry for his next 40 years of the career life and therefore, in that case it becomes very-very important. Now, here I would like to take an example for my next point for requirement of the maintenance by a lady in the Indian family. She is playing different role of the spouse, wife, she is playing the role of a daughter-in-law, she is playing the role of later on the mother-in-law then she is playing the role of a sister. She is playing a role for as a mother and everywhere she is becoming in India, she is becoming the basis for the relationship with the other family members, other societal members and reflecting the value system that is the yes of the love and caring. **[30:35]:** that maintenance, that relationship maintenance we have to learn from the house lady in India. **[30:43]:** She has to come in the different type of the relationship from the in-laws sides and from her own parental side and then from the neighbors and then also, so therefore many times you will find there is a woman employees. they are developing a better relationship and maintaining a better relationship whether it is a personal or professional at workplace and they are becoming the good leaders. Because the developing the relationship is one aspect, but maintenance of relationship which is more tough. **[31:28]:** So, there who you are required to be the expert in that and therefore, these skills are to be learned in this particular course slowly and slowly we will be growing and do not worry I will be keep on telling you that is the how we can develop the relationship maintenance skills also. **[31:48]:** how to manage the relationship maintenance and therefore, we will be discussing that is the, it is not question of the developing the relationship, but it is the question of the maintenance of relationship also. The another aspect is becoming very, very important and that is the requirement of commitment. Unless and until you are not committed, the relationship cannot you cannot carry forward the relationship. To carry forward the relationship it becomes very, very important that is the you should have high and 100 percent commitment not 99 percent commitment. If you have the 100 percent commitment only in that case the relationship will continue and relationship will grow and for that purpose what requires? **[32:44]:** It requires fulfillment of the promise. If you have the fulfillment of whatever you promise, so think twice before making the promise, whether to a boss, whether you will be able to submit your report or not on time. So, think twice and then make commitment. Otherwise, if you make the commitment just to please the boss. And you have not done the homework that what resources you will require, whether you will get those resources timely or not, what will be the obstacles in getting those resources, whether you have kept that buffer period or not, whether you know, whether there will be the permissions for this type of these doing this job will be there or not, allowed or not in the manual of the organization and then you just make a promise, promise has to be felt. **[33:36]:** And therefore, to keep that particular promise it becomes very-very important you are prepared, prepared to make that promise to that commitment and then giving the results. So, sometimes it is implied you understand, yes my boss will take care of this, so that is the implied. Sometimes it is the, you are sometimes explicit to remain in the relationship and make it successful, you are supposed to be developed an explicit commitment, you please understand. your communication skills are also required to be very good. So, therefore, if you are going for that commitment as a part of the relationship development in the characteristics, it becomes very, very important that is the you develop that value system of the analysis, you develop that value system of the fulfillment of promise. **[34:38]:** And in that case, you will be able to have a good relationship at the workplace. Now, all these dynamics related to the changing environment, then in the changing environment, then you have to learn how to develop the maintain the relationship. or affected by the culture, understand the culture of the self and understanding the culture of others, then developing time to time lubrication of the relationship that is a maintenance or making the commitment that is a fulfillment of commitment, making the thoughtful promises, fulfillment them and then developing whether it is implied are explicit in both the cases with you are showing your commitment and definitely when there is a need and you find the committed people around you, you develop the relationship. **[35:33]:** We will talk about the Knapp's model and in this model we will find that is the how it is developing from the coming together, very interesting model that is the coming together then the relational maintenance and then coming apart. There are the three factors are there you can see on this slide that is the how it is going on. **[35:58]:** So, therefore, you will find that is the here when we talking about the initiating, initializing, so beginning, beginning of the relationship, I will discuss these all these steps into the detail. **[36:18]:** Because when we start relationship, then we start experiments and therefore, these experiments if they are as I talked about the earlier factors in development of the relationship, if they are strong and supportive, you have the intensifying the relationship and your relationship will be developed. Now, on basis of the intensifying the relationship that is the you come together and that is the integrating and when you integrating there is a bonding for this particular relationship is there. Now, as we have seen in the previous slide if you have noticed that is the it is constantly changing. So, with the changing you will find that is there will be the bonding and there is a differentiating. **[37:11]:** So, slowly and slowly after maintenance, now dear friends, we have to also understand the period of maintenance. **[37:23]:** the period of coming together and the period for the coming apart. So, therefore, when coming together and then developing that relationship maintenance, I wish you have the maximum time of your development of relationship maintenance. and then but definitely with the period of time the changing is there, there will be the different responsibilities, so and there will be the structure change, so therefore in that case the relationship maintenance has to come one day for the coming apart. So, as a professional person, you have to keep in mind that there is a relationship coming together, there will be the relationship of the maintenance, but there will be also the relationship of the coming apart. So, how it starts? **[38:16]:** Because of the, as I mentioned so many factors are changing, surrounding factors are changing, you start differentiating. **[38:25]:** this differentiating stage if you are having the good understanding will come later, later means may comes after some days, may come after some weeks, may come after some months, may come after some years. But yes, it is a natural differentiating will come. However, I will talk the different models also. So, whenever there is a differentiating what to do? **[38:57]:** what to do when there is a differentiating and you are interested to continue the relationship. I have mentioned in my earlier slide that is the relationship maintenance. if you are strong in maintenance, if you are strong in developing those the repairing structures. So, therefore, in that case this differentiating it will come later, it has to come dear friends, it is just a natural process. So, therefore differentiation will come time to time. **[39:34]:** who will be able to sustain, who will be able to minimize that differentiation or damage from differentiation if one will be capable then definitely relationship will go long. But some people in the first difference only they will be separate apart, no we cannot. So, therefore, in that case that is the coming apart this differentiation will be there and how do you handle that will depend on your interpersonal relationship. Sometimes we want to continue the relationship but circumstances do not. **[40:14]:** And if circumstances are so, then definitely in that case also maintaining the relationship will be very, very difficult and challenging and most of the time what a human being does, a human being goes for the circumscribing. And therefore, in that case, it becomes very, very difficult for a person to continue the relationship is there. Many times the persons feel the two parties feel the stagnation, so stagnating is there and as the stagnating is there then definitely the interest in each other that will go slow or that will go down and as a result of which what will be happen at a stage of stagnation will come and when the stage of stagnation comes it is an towards the end of the maintenance of relationship is there, then what other person does, whenever there is a stagnation our person starts avoiding and finally, they will be the terminating the relationship. **[41:20]:** Now, we will discuss all these stages right from the initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, developing bonding, maintenance of relationship, differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding and terminating in detail one by one. Now, when we are talking about the escalation, developing the relationship, then it is the initiating is there. **[41:49]:** So, many times we develop with the very sometimes in the just seconds. So, you must have seen in many movies, it happens that is you have just seen and then immediately the relationship is developed for the 7 births. So, therefore, it becomes very, very important that is sometimes you are getting so much attracted that with the very just in seconds you are developing that initiation. Second is there is the many people when they meet first time they make impressions. I have talked about the positive illusions. **[42:28]:** So, positive illusions are created. I am a good person. So, when you are really a good person and when you show you are a good person, then in that case it is the first impression that the person will create and he will remember you. So, therefore, in that case that is the they want to make in initiation a favorable first impression, in first impression you will find that your boss is having the very good patience, very high patience, but next day may not be. observe general appearance and mannerisms. **[43:05]:** So, therefore, it is the adopted child behavior. You see that is the parent ego is there, there is adult ego is there, there is a child ego is there, there is a little professor ego is there and one is adopted child ego status is there. So, if adopted child ego status is there, so therefore mannerisms will be very, very high because the person has learned that is how to behave in a given situation, in a given situation he has to smile. he has to say thank you, he has to say sorry. So, therefore, he will show that particular behavior and then you will find that these mannerisms are attracting you and then you are developing that relationship is there. **[43:54]:** Many times people show concern like use standard greetings, hello, how are you? When the person says like this, you feel that is oh he has touched you personally because he has shown the concern for you, that is whether you are okay or not, do you have any problem or what. So, therefore, in that case you will find that is the person will be having that initialization. So, I would like to summarize in the case that is the whenever we are talking about the interpersonal dynamics, so the factors which I have discussed with you above, they play a very-very important role. So, thank you very much.