# Our First Date // EP 1 - Pretty Lonesome

**Channel:** madeline argy
**Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGgpJZdJgJU
**Transcript page:** https://www.withtranscript.ai/video/ZGgpJZdJgJU

## Chapters

- 0:00 — Introducing the Car Podcast Setup
- 7:17 — Why Loneliness Feels Different
- 12:37 — A New Friendship and Fashion Week
- 18:31 — Friendship, Confidence, and Imposter Syndrome
- 29:16 — Dreams of America and Future Plans

## Transcript

**[0:00]:** hello everybody I am Madeleine Audrey and welcome to the first ever episode of a pretty lonesome that feels good to finally say now if if you're new if we're meeting for the first time this is my car this is where I do my episodes this is where I am pretty much all of the time and there's two reasons for that one is that I still live with my mother and I'm in my 20s so this car is kind of my space away from not that I need space away from my mummy uh that's why I have no moved out because I don't want space away from my mummy but sometimes it is a little bit necessary to be in some kind of private enclosure oh that sounds really weird I like to think of this car as like my crate it's very much a safe space a place where I Know No One's Gonna bother

**[0:42]:** me and with my dog oh by the way I have my dog here this is bugs she's really really cute she's my co-host anyway living with your mother in your 20s I'm so lucky that I have a mom that I can live with and that I can stomach living with and that will let me live with her however sometimes you need your own space so I have this dog right and she has a crate she's crate train and the rule with the crate is you don't touch her when she goes in there because it's like her bedroom it's like you leave her the alone and she knows that like she knows that I'm never gonna like reach my arm and grab her or whatever that is how I feel about my car like I Know No One's Gonna reach their hand and then pull me out for playtime mostly because I usually drive it onto

**[1:23]:** the forest and hide away I live in the middle of nowhere I live in like a relatively small town and there is a forest nearby and then there's all these like pull-in places on the forest where you can like go walk your dog or like watch the sunset and like they will have views and like viewpoints and that is usually where I spend most of my time and usually where I film these episodes too but today we're not in the forest although I mean we basically are in the forest we're just not like in the woods because that's where I usually like to go anyways to give you an idea of what the I'm doing I was like when I was trying to think up like podcast ideas I was like I really I wanted to be like an advice podcast like that's so weird to me because like who am I to be giving

**[2:02]:** advice my life is a mess right so I was like I don't have any advice but I always feel lonely then I feel like the one thing that social media has taught us in the last like five years is that like you're never alone and people have the weirdest most Niche experiences and then people relate to them and it's like oh that was not just me okay cool so I feel like I wanted to create a podcast where I just tell you about my very strange Niche experience because I thought I'd had kind of like a mundane life and then I got on Tick Tock and I started telling people about these cutesy little life stories that I thought they were kind of humorous but nothing crazy and everyone was like girl what the and I was like um Oh I thought that was normal nevermind guys I thought I thought the point of this

**[2:45]:** app was we all realized we all have Universal experiences why are you calling me weird why are you calling me crazy I don't get it anyway I just got back from Fashion Week I feel like that's not the best way to start this off because it gives you the wrong impression of me because that is the first time I've ever done that and I'm also thinking it might be the last and thinking it might be the last because so many things that I said will be keeping me up at night for a minimum of three months like I feel like I constantly make an idiot out of myself and I don't even have that much Social Anxiety like I'm definitely not a person who like overthinks things or like is scared to ask for like I don't know extra food or like send a meal back if it's cold like I really wouldn't say I

**[3:30]:** have like social anxiety quote unquote or like the things that I see about social anxiety on the internet I'm like no that's not me but then I will go out and I'm shy and like I think when I'm around people my brain kind of shuts off it's like it doesn't send thought signals to my mouth to like say things so someone will be talking to me and I'll literally be like I don't know what I'm gonna say when this person stops talking like even if they're telling me about their experience it's probably very easy to respond to or like ask a follow-up question about and like panicking the whole time I'm like I don't know what I'm gonna say when you stop talking please don't stop talking my dog wants to be a little bit more involved right now so anyway the reason that she's podcasting with me right now which usually she would stay

**[4:08]:** in the house is because ever since I got back from Fashion Week I feel so bad she has not left my side once like I'll go pee and she will sit with her body weight against my leg while I'm peeing like she just wants to make social that I'm still there and my mum told her like last night I got home and I ran straight out the door to go buy myself a meal deal and if you're American and you don't know what a meal deal is it's these things at this shop in the UK called Tesco's it's a supermarket in the UK and they do these meal deals and when I tell you these meal deals are on another level they're so good and everyone is a hater of this one pasta that they do and I just want to tell you right now if you're a hater of the tomato pasta I'm a

**[4:49]:** hater of you because nothing is better than it and then I put it with so many square crisps I have a lot of food combinations that people have a lot to say about like my favorite one that is so controversial until I make someone try in front of me is banana with hot sauce and I I just want you to know okay bugs this is her whole is on my microphone do you mind um anyway uh another one of the food combinations that I like that no one seems to think is moral is gherkins but like the very big ones with uh chocolate but like what is it called Cadbury chocolate buttons but you could just use any chocolate but not really if you're an American because your chocolate tastes like vomit also did you know apparently the reason that American chocolate tastes like vomit to foreigners is because they use something that we don't

**[5:36]:** use and the reason that they do that is because America is so big and they used to I can't remember if it was because they didn't have refrigeration I mean I'm sure they did but like maybe they didn't have refrigeration and trucks or something and when they used to make the milk chocolate in the factories it would spoil on the way to wherever the it was going or like the milk would spoil something would spoil anyway can't remember why so they added in something that is like a preservative to the milk so that it won't go bad and that ingredient has the same enzyme in it thing that is in Parmesan cheese because obviously parmesan cheese stinks of puke and it's the same ingredient that is in American chocolate that stops IT from going bad and that is why it tastes like sick to people that aren't American or maybe it tastes like it to

**[6:21]:** Americans too but I feel like that it doesn't because they're just like used to it but every time I go to America I pick up a Hershey's Barn every time I'm unpleasantly surprised to find that it still tastes like woman to me also I'm kind of worried because my dog has recently gone through puberty and I posted it on my Instagram story when she got her first period because I was so proud of her and everyone was like dogs get periods what the yes first of all they do she bled out of her are you embarrassed if I tell this story sorry baby um she bled for three weeks it was really annoying and now she has these nipples that are like kind of big and like they just sprouted out of nowhere and like were up one week and I was like whoa girly I mean it happened to me quickly too but is

**[7:06]:** this meant to happen to dogs or is she pregnant because I've been very careful about not letting her go near any boys but now I'm like worried that she might be pregnant because she has like tits we've gone

**[7:17]:** off topic hold on let me get back to you let's talk about why I called this podcast Percy Lonesome because I always feel like I'm alone but not lonely and I feel like Lonesome is the perfect word for that like I love being by myself I feel like my brain kind of stops when I'm around other people and I like lose myself it's really annoying I'm very selective about the friendships that I have and that's why I don't have many because it takes me a lot to like actually with someone like to see I don't know like I don't have trust issues or anything I think I'm just smart like I just think most people are just not what you're looking for it's I take a friendship more seriously than like a relationship I mean no I take it the same kind of serious and I think that should be more normal like I think

**[7:56]:** about my friends in marriage context like my best friend she we've been best friends since we were 13 I believe and I don't know what I would do without her like she is everything to me and and she's with me um through every relationship like she is my longest relationship why would I think of her in a less serious way than I would think of a romantic relationship do you know what I mean like obviously I don't want to kiss her but that's different like I could be dating a new person I could be doing whatever she's the one that's gonna definitely be at my wedding you know what I mean and like I really wish that friendships were talked about a little bit more because I don't know where I would be without my best friends or like who I would even be like they have changed me absolutely for the better and in

**[8:44]:** ways that I would give up nothing for like two of my best friends I met at University and I hated University they will get into that another time my whole university experience was a roller coaster but I would do it all again if it just means I could meet these people because they think about it all the time I'm like what if I made a different decision about my University what if I picked a different uh place to live what if I just never came across these people because we went on the same course we didn't do the same societies like I wouldn't have met them if I didn't just live with them and they are two of my most valued companions like they have taught me so much they I've had like some of my best memories of my life with these people and the location of the memories is in our kitchen like

**[9:25]:** I've never laughed so hard as when I'm in a room with these two part of the reason that I'm as selective as I am with my friends is because of one experience that I had when I was maybe 18 19 20 and I would was was kind of in around this one group of friends and I was dating somebody that was in the group of friends so that's why I was around them and I just remember thinking God this is so ungenuine or disingenuous is that the word I don't know but everything that went on in that friend group that I observed was terrifying and when I broke up with the person obviously their friends sided with them in the breakup which I was not expecting anything different but this the person that I broke up with was so clearly in the wrong and it's not like oh beefy things that happen within the relationship

**[10:16]:** they're like no one would really know about it was like no you know what this person did you know what they did to me you know the situation and it bothered me I was like God you lot is Shameless for not like stay friends with your person I do not care but it was the way they would like defend it and like I felt attacked almost for just existing within the realm of this breakup and after that even though like I said I've always been very much like intuitively not friends with a large group of people ever it's just never been my thing I've always been a one-on-one kind of gal but like it made me really consider who is around me and what are their what are their opinions and how do they actually behave and I started to look at people very very differently and actually I cut off a lot of people

**[11:05]:** after that relationship ended because I was like now I just became really wary of people and I was like God I don't want to ever be around someone that would behave like that or act like that or God forbid if I ever did anything I like to what she did my ex I mean would they stand by me like who are these people that I'm surrounding myself with and what do they even stand for and I could not hack the answers that I and ended up getting I was like no like most of the people that I was around at the time when I was at University so it was just a lot of random people um I was like God no they suck yeah they suck so I ended up cutting off a lot of friendships and I have since been a lot more careful about who I hang out with because I think

**[11:45]:** it honestly it changed the way that I think about everything because what these people did it kind of went against the rules of reality for me and maybe I was just a little bit sheltered I don't know I mean I was but like is that the full story I don't know but it was kind of just like I remember crying one night and saying I feel like I've fallen into the wrong realm like if if the Matrix is a thing I pressed a button or I did something I stepped wrong somewhere I went against something and I fell into a different reality where there are different rules because nothing that I could hypothesize or come up with in my head gave any Rhyme or Reason to why these people had treated me this way or why they were behaving like this and now as an adult I can look on it and be like well

**[12:28]:** the reason they acted like that is because they just didn't care it just wasn't their problem and they just weren't deeping it the way you were deepening it like that's literally the extent of the situation I'm still pretty

**[12:37]:** scared of people and I never know what their intentions are I don't know I don't know but I also just find it hard to click with people I recently made a new friend which is so exciting for me I genuinely have Jitters like I'm in the early stages of a new relationship but she's just a friend and it's crazy and I haven't felt it in ages I don't know when the last time I made a good new friend was like I've met a couple people over the last years that are I would consider friends but like a new friendship where I'm like I know I'm gonna see a lot of you I know we talk every day like a new close friend and I'm so excited and it's crazy I feel like I met her like I feel like I was sent her it's it's insane we actually met two years ago and we just

**[13:15]:** didn't speak after we met before I met this girl I'd ask the universe for a sign that I was doing the right thing or that things were going to improve for me because I was at a really low point of my life and I remember I asked the Universe I want to see a blue smiley face if I'm doing the right thing or if things are going to pick up if things are going to be okay for me I want to see a blue smiley face and I asked him probably for like three to six months I didn't see one and I was like Oh and it was always in the back of my mind like blue smiley face and I never saw one then I started doing Tech talk and I was walking around in London one day and I got a DM I know it's from this girl and she was like hey

**[13:47]:** this is really weird but I recognize you off Tick Tock and I think I just saw you walking down the street in London and I was like that was the first time that ever happened to me and I was like oh my God that's crazy like I was so excited I was like that's so insane to me that someone could recognize me off the internet and So I responded to her I was like oh I was in London today it probably was me and she was like oh I was the girl staring at you and smoking a cigarette and I was like oh yeah I remember seeing you and then we didn't really speak again after that she invited me a couple places and I never went because I was shy and I was going to be with her friends and I I was just like nervous to go you know what I mean and

**[14:19]:** then randomly one day we had an actual conversation we actually spoke and we hit it off and we've spoken every day since and the weird thing is is I meant to say this the first time that she DM me that I clicked this link in her profile and it was a link to some kind of Photography page I think and it popped up with a logo and it was a blue smiley face like a it was the earth like a picture of the Earth so it's mostly blue with some green and a smiley face on top of it and I remember thinking that's kind of weird given the context and like everything I was like okay interesting so maybe that maybe that's what I asked for and then we didn't speak again and then when we did speak again she was like I told her that and she was like bro that's crazy because she

**[15:01]:** believes in a lot of the same stuff as me and she was like I had this feeling that we would be friends and that's why I messaged you because she was like my boyfriend made fun of me for it because I told him about it and he was like why would you message someone off the internet that's lame because like I personally would also probably never do it um and she was like yeah I know I would never do it but like I just had this feeling that we should be friends and it's like just weird like that I saw her and she was like I just had to message her and now she's like top 10 people no like top three people that I value in my entire life and we've become really close and she's helped me through a lot of situations lately and I'm moving to London soon I'm trying to move

**[15:38]:** out of my mom's house I'm probably lying I'm probably not gonna do it but I've been looking for Flats in London and it's really hard to find because London's expensive and terrifying like yeah so I'm trying to move and then when I do move we're gonna go to the gym together because I've always wanted a gym buddy and she's always wanted a gym buddy and so that's what we're gonna do and we're gonna have tea parties and dinner parties and we're gonna have the best time ever and I'm so excited and like I never meet people that I click with ever so like I said I'm very selective with my friendships and it's really exciting to finally have a new one and it's very rejuvenating and you kind of want to put your best foot forward when you finally find someone that you with so what I end up noticing was that there was like

**[16:23]:** things that I was like oh my God I wouldn't want her to know this about the way I've been behaving lately or I wouldn't want her to see me like this and it kind of made me reevaluate like wait am I even being like a very good version of myself in this area in this area of my life and I was like um maybe not the best maybe we've not been putting forward our best foot lately you know what I mean oh God I'm in the most uncomfortable clothes anyway um so I feel like good good new friendships are really important I kind of want to be part of a friendship group one day but I just don't know how that's ever gonna play help for me like I don't although I did meet this girl at Fashion Week oh my god I've been dying to talk about this so I actually think I mentioned

**[17:03]:** it on the cool her daddy episode but it was just this girl and like istanic sort of fashion show I'd never met in my life and I'd seen her when I was walking and actually she looked so good and I've just been a little bit intimidated by her because she's just like very classically gorgeous and I was like oh my god scary scary and then she sat next to me and I was like oh my God and she turned around she said hi and we got chatting and whatever then when I got home I saw a message from her and she was like do you want to get girl dinner this week and I was like wait did she see me as an equal did this pretty girl see me as an equal because like I always feel like a stupid child and I put on these amazing clothes and I go to these shows

**[17:41]:** and I sit in the clothes and I feel like everyone is looks better than me everyone knows what they're doing more than me everybody somehow is more at home in this world than I am and it's so nice when I meet someone at one of those events and then they actually like me and I'm like oh you didn't know I had all those insecurities so that's not the way you viewed me you just viewed me like every other girl that's there who probably has the same insecurities that I do probably feels as silly as I do but they just don't show it and then people want to be their friend and people are attracted to them in like not attracted to them like attracted to them like you're drawn to them because they just seem like cool and I was so flattered because I usually don't like meet new and this isn't the same girl

**[18:23]:** that I was talking about right before this is like literally some random girl that I sat next to at a show and I actually didn't end up getting dinner with her which is really sad because I was so

**[18:31]:** busy um and I didn't have the time are you itchy you're so cute and beautiful I also think having a dog makes me not care to like socialize that much because I just look at her and I have everything I need I have a warm body to cuddle up to at night I have someone to talk to I have someone who loves me what else do I need you know what I mean like she is my daughter my best friend I just oh get a dog that is all I have right now I might go get in my PJs and get a little comfy and maybe we'll take this upstairs if that if that's not too forward come on okay welcome to my bed um I honestly think I'm gonna do a lot of episodes in here get a little bit comfy get a little bit cozy you know what I mean so okay what

**[19:16]:** the were we talking about before I think I was going on about friendships there's just so many situations in my life where I'm like I genuinely would not be the person that I am without like a consistent female friendship being in my life also I feel like if you're lucky enough to have one good solid friendship in your life that is as Lucky in my brain as finding a partner that you never divorce or never break up with even though actually you know what that whole thing about like wasting time in relationships or like everyone's scared to like get with someone in case you get a divorce why does that scare people I never understand that because I'm like I don't care if I date you for 20 years of my life and then we get a divorce I still enjoyed those 20 years I mean hopefully unless you were evil but like I never

**[20:00]:** have gotten out of a relationship or a friendship and then been like that was a waste of time because we didn't end up together forever I've never started a relationship or a friendship with the idea of being together forever and people who do scare their living out of me I dated this person once and I remember that they were always like kind of offended that I didn't want to marry them and it actually was the thing that ended up like driving the biggest wedge between us because it was my ex and she was like but I could see myself marrying you given nothing goes wrong between here and now and I'm like that's a crazy to me like I want to get to know you I want to observe you for 10 plus years before I'm even thinking about marrying you like why are you thinking about marrying me you don't know me that just

**[20:43]:** shows me you're looking for a relationship you're not looking for me it's like there's always a difference between people that want a relationship or want the person that's in front of them and learning that was probably the biggest curveball of my tiny little life because I realized in that relationship specifically that you need like when someone maybe even on a first date is like looking for a relationship it's kind of a red flag to me because yeah they might genuinely then like you and it's good to date someone that's ready for a relationship but I had literally been dating someone that didn't even care I was just a body I was just a means to an end like they just wanted companionship they just wanted someone and I was tolerable to them to be that person but it wasn't like I don't know every time I personally been in a relationship I've never looked for

**[21:29]:** one I've never sought one out like I said I love being alone I've genuinely never felt an urge to be in a relationship so every time I have been it's been because I've met that person and just fallen for them and wanted to be with them so badly it's never been like I've sort it out like I think I've been on a dating app once in my life when I was like 18 and it was tender for like a week you know what I mean and I probably definitely 100 just wanted to hook up and that I did get actually I have some Tinder horror stories maybe that could be an entire episode wait that could be so fun could you guys write in on maybe like Instagram and tell me y'all tender horror stories because that would be because that'd be funny for me personally to read I just want to read them so

**[22:08]:** I met my best friend when we were 13 and she has become the most special person in my life she because she's filled in she knows everything about me she's so accepting and we're very different people I feel like that's actually very valuable in a friendship because I have friendships where I'm super similar to them and they feel like Solace to me I'm like God you get it you're just as awful as I am then I have friends that are a little bit better than me and those friendships I personally find to be so important because the amount of times that I nearly just kind of flew off the face of the Earth and just went fully insane and then my best friend Millie was there just being so incredibly stable and such a figure of like this is what life could be and should be and just this is what normality is in case

**[22:56]:** you forget and then I just look at her and I'm like oh and then I tell her the things that go on for me and the fuckeries that I do an encounter and her reaction is that of like what the you know what I mean and she's definitely got desensitized to it over the years but she's so valuable to me in the sense that she really keeps me grounded why do I talk with my hands so much when I podcast I feel like Boris Johnson anyway she like I love her so much and she just makes me want to live life and have fun like she is such a girl in her 20s Vibe she goes out she takes little like holidays I mean I'm like girl if you can buy it like from Ryanair and pop away this weekend to go get pissed in Ibiza with your mates I can loosen the up a

**[23:44]:** little bit too because I'm always like I can't go anywhere I can't do anything I'm busy and the only reason I'm ever busy is because I've aired everybody for weeks and I need to get back to work and I need I've got things to do but like I actually wouldn't be that busy if I would just deal with things as they came but God forbid I would ever do that like she's just so much fun and actually I kind of had to stop trying to be like her because like I remember we went out for her birthday last year and it was the first time I'd ever been clubbing together we've been friends since we were 13 we'd never been clubbing together because we went to different Unis we live so far apart and so we've just never done it and I think actually it was the first time we'd even been drunk together which

**[24:18]:** is crazy and we went out clubbing and she is just so full of life and so full of love and she was just dancing and singing and we did karaoke and she was having so much fun and I was just like God I wish I was more like you like I've never been one of those girls to be able to just like have fun on a night out and I hate that like I'm just not a let loose kind of girl and it makes me honestly feel like I'm missing out on life because I see all my friends of similar ages going out and having these amazing experiences and like island hopping Europe for like 10 pounds a day and like having such a good time with it and I'm like I just don't enjoy it and I wish that I did and it's so lame and I don't know if anyone can relate or

**[25:03]:** if people that are watching this podcast are actually a lot more fun than I am but it's just like also I don't know if anyone's gonna relate to this I always thought that one day my body was gonna become a woman's body and I just waited on it I waited to grow I waited to have boobs I waited to have a bum in thighs and it never happened for me and I feel like it almost stunted the way that I behave a bit because I don't feel like I've had this like transformation whereas a lot of my friends that I grew up with that were more shy or awkward and that were a really good fit for me growing up they had these great tits and like they're a little bit taller than me and they have big bums and I'm like sometimes it genuinely makes me feel like I'm not one of the girlies

**[25:43]:** because I'm really sure if anyone asks I'm six foot three and I have no tits no ass and I know it's not valid I fully know that but sometimes I just feel like I am look like I sometimes just feel like even when I meet people like new people that are my own age I speak to them as if they're older than me or I speak to them as if they're presuming that I am less mature than them or less capable than them and I think it's just a little bit of imposter syndrome because maybe I especially find myself in a lot of rooms that I feel unqualified to be in so maybe that's also part of it but I'm I know this was happening and I was feeling this way before I started going to events that are new to me so it's like I know I feel this way and it's like I

**[26:30]:** just thought that one day I would have this be a woman and I'm like I know I'm a woman but I still don't feel like I've done that jump but I'm 23. I feel like a child in every room that I'm in and I think it's because of my body and it's really up I I hate it and I don't know like even when I'm with girls of a similar age to me and like say there's two girls and then there's me and they're getting on like a house on fire I always take a back seat in that situation because I feel like they're the grown-ups and I'm a kid and I think it's also partly because I'm shy I don't know what it is I just very rarely feel like someone's equal and then I think people also perceive that I think that they can tell that

**[27:16]:** I don't fully think that I am their equal and treat me kind of accordingly but it's also hard when someone's being quiet you don't really know what to do with that and I get it because when someone's quiet around me I'm like I don't really know what necessarily to do like I don't know if I'm making you uncomfortable by talking to you I know what you want because you're silent so I get the people probably feel like that with me but that kind of just makes it worse and then I spiral and then I definitely don't say anything you know what I mean even remember I told you guys earlier that that girl from that fashion show asked to hang out with me after the show and I was super flattered I'm pretty sure we're around the same age but when she asked to hang out with me I was like you want to hang

**[27:56]:** out with me a child a little girl that's so equal or like even when she like was just talking to me like any other girl that fashioned me because like oh my God am I just another girl who is at Fashion Week who has just as much right to be here as anyone else is that what I am surely not like that's crazy but I think that might be the truth I hypothesize that I actually might have as much right to be in a rumors another person that is in that same room crazy right I remember telling my friend this once this was when I started to date my last relationship and I said to my friend at the time I was like I feel like every room that I walk into lately I shouldn't be there like every time I'm with this person I feel almost bad because why do I get to suddenly

**[28:48]:** go to these cool things and meet these cool people because I didn't earn this and they were like babe it doesn't matter how you get in a room the second you're in the room you deserve to be there as much as the next person and I was like yeah you're right like if you buy hook and buy crook get yourself through a door you've got yourself through the door doesn't matter how you did it you deserve to be there no go socialize go talk to someone hold yourself with confidence

**[29:16]:** like and I feel like I need to remind myself of that a lot because I definitely have a lot of imposter syndrome because like you've got to remember before I ever did social media I was a watcher I was on the other end of the screen I was watching and I started this kind of late like I feel like most people start in maybe they're teenagers or whatever like I'm 23 it's not I've been watching for a while and so it's like I remember I would watch and I would kind of see these people go to these crazy events and I'd be like damn like what the did they do to get there or like deserve that anyway it's something that I really need to work on because I think I jeopardize myself especially when it comes to making new friends and enjoying new experiences like I'm not letting myself enjoy those new experiences very

**[30:02]:** much because I'm just constantly like well I don't just have to be here so why should I enjoy it you know what I mean like shut up I'm really hungry what did I eat today I had a cheese toasty from Starbucks I used to love those I've gone off of them the five cheese toasty I don't think they have that in America the drinks at Starbucks in America are so much better because they're large cup is like double a large cup in the UK and there's something about an iced coffee that like I will drink half of it every time if I get a small I'm drinking half of it if I get a large I'm drinking half of it but I love when the cup is unnecessarily large it genuinely makes me so happy it makes me so happy and that's what I get that's the feeling I can have in America and then

**[30:47]:** they have Dunkin Donuts and their cups that I'm not even you they're like this big I'm never gonna drink that much coffee ever but I love holding them that's a reason to move to America if I ever heard one I kind of want to move there because it's coming into English winter time and that is not something that is ever kind on my mental health because it gets dark at like 3 P.M and I hear that it's similar in parts of America but I'm like yeah but there's parts of America that stay kind of warm during the winter and like it's not going to be completely gray every day and I'm like tempted the thing is I don't think I would do well in La I don't know if you've garnered that garnered that gained that Insight from this podcast but I don't think LA and me would necessarily merge well like I find people

**[31:31]:** in London scary I would definitely find people in La scary and I don't think that I would have an easy time finding people because I don't know anyone that lives there I don't have any friends that live there I'd get super lonely and it would just be weird I think but I want to move to America and I want to move to a warm part of it because the UK is just not doing it for me and so I was like what about is it called Wisconsin Wyoming I really want to move there because every time I said every time I've gone to La twice but whenever I've flown I always look out the window the whole time and whenever you fly into La you fly over Wyoming and it is just vast nothingness and I think that I could get a cheap house out there not purchase it duh get like an Airbnb and

**[32:15]:** then get a big like rent a dead truck like my car but truck version that's what I want you to think that for me is my absolute life goal like I would be so happy then there's also the side of me that's like I would love to live in New York and be a hot sexy girl in my 20s in New York and then there's the part of me that wants to go wear overalls in Wyoming and own a truck maybe I'll do both I was actually considering doing both three months in Wyoming give myself culture shock and go to New York you know what I mean like it why not I've always wanted to own a truck really really bad obviously my cars it sounds like a truck it's pretty close but I've actually got this very intense plan and what I'm gonna do is no matter where my life goes how successful or

**[33:01]:** unsuccessful I may be in this lifetime when I turn 60 yeah mark my word I'm going off the grid I'm getting a trucking license and it will be an American Trucking license because Trucking in the UK that is so boring the roads are tiny it's ugly everywhere it rains like I'm not doing it but the big open roads in America what goes in those trucks by the way the trucks that go over multiple state lines like obviously truckers are known for stopping at like Motel sixes and right and like I remember me and my mum did a road trip over the states when I was like 12. my dad had left and we we did a lot of road tripping after he left um I think it soothed my mother I'm not entirely sure but I remember we Road tripped around France and we Road tripped around

**[33:45]:** the states and I was like I don't know 11 12. and we were just stop in motel sixes every night and we had this like rental car and that's like my best childhood memories and I remember at the motel sixes there would always be trackers and my mum talks to everyone so we would always chat with them and that's when it became my dream to become a trucker but like genuinely if you have to sleep overnight in your truck you have to get a motel or you sleep in the little cabins in the truck please tell me what's in there there needs to be transported like that because it's obviously not food sofas but like there's so many trucks and for so many separate companies car parts I guess there's actually a lot of valid answers to what could need to go in one of trucks those but like could you not fly it like what is it that goes in the trucks that needs to

**[34:31]:** be so transported so far like why is there not a car part place closer to the person that needs it than like having to get a trucker goes six miles what is in them that's what I want to know but yeah that's my dream basically when I'm 60 I want to get a trucking license and then I want to get a black Labrador and then like from a rescue shelter I probably won't end up with a black lab but I will end up with some kind of rescue dog and we're gonna go Trucking together and we're gonna stop in motel sixes and I'm really excited for that portion of my life because it's very soothing to me because I'm like well things are really tumultuous now and God knows what's even going on but like I know one day I'm gonna be in my truck with my dog and things are just gonna be fine

**[35:14]:** that'll be my retirement era and we're gonna Thrive maybe I'll still be podcasting you guys can come it there's space in the truck for all of us okay well that was it that was the first episode of Pretty Lonesome thank you for listening and I'm very excited we're gonna do this every Monday for an extended period of time I'm very nervous but I appreciate you being here more than you know and I will see you next Monday same time same place all right I love you bye