# Emotional Intelligence Part 2

**Channel:** Rohana Hamzah
**Source:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w69TgKrVObE
**Transcript page:** https://www.withtranscript.ai/video/w69TgKrVObE

## Chapters

- 0:14 — Reviewing Emotional Intelligence Foundations
- 4:54 — Self-Awareness and Trigger Identification
- 10:52 — Managing Reactions and Processing Emotions
- 22:03 — Building Relationships Through Feedback
- 27:13 — Empathy and Case Study Example
- 31:12 — Case Analysis and Final Reflections

## Transcript

**[0:14]:** i hope and pray that you are all in the highest uh esteems and in the best of health yeah so today we're gonna continue with the second part of emotional intelligence yeah so before we go further into the topic let us recall what we have learned last week or so to say in the first session so in the first session we learned about the definition of emotional intelligence in short emotional intelligence means our ability to manage our emotions manage ourselves uh oh no first of all we need to aware we need to be aware of our emotion yeah and then the others emotions and using the awareness to manage our response and our behavior and communication toward others the other thing that we have learned last session is the component of emotional intelligence right do you remember the the component there are four components are you serve awareness self management social awareness or empathy and

**[1:37]:** finally the communication management now to say we have two actions that is awareness and the second one is management and two audience which are the self ourselves and others the other thing that i discussed uh last time is how ei works yeah i show you remember i show you my hands yeah i show you my hands with the what you call the the imagine this as your spinal cord your palm area is your limbic system and this part up here is your free frontal lobe we discussed that this area the limbic system is the emotional area and the this part up here is the rational area you remember that and then i told you last time that say if you can see my slide this the first here emotional when you respond to the uh sensation in your limbic system per se here you have what you call as emotional response the emotional response has

**[3:01]:** its own function yeah it is not useless per se it's not useless it has its own function you need it in the emergency uh event yeah and then we go to the uh if the sensation or the signals uh successfully reach the free frontal lobe that is the rational area you're going to have what you call as good response yeah and then uh additionally if you combine the rational uh thinking uh from the prefrontal lobe with your good heart your consciousness you're gonna have what we call as best response so you go we have three types of response there when purely emotional it is need to be used during the emergency scenario that is so we cannot say that the emotional response is useless yeah it's nothing useless uh in in god creation it has its own function and when it when the signal reach the uh prefrontal lobe your free frontal lobe uh that

**[4:20]:** is dilational area you got you got a good response but you if you combine the good response or the rational uh thinking with your conscientiousness uh which is placed in your heart yeah you're gonna have what you call as the best response yeah okay i hope i i made it clearer because last time that it i i myself think that i have to add on so that is the additional information uh for that particular model uh

**[4:54]:** so as promised uh this is the part where we gonna teach you uh how to uh responds uh in the best way yeah so we're gonna give you a number of strategies again i'm telling you yeah we we we give you we give you the exposure about the strategies but this you need to apply it you need to use it to get the benefit from it let's go to the strategies now uh this is the self awareness strategies yeah uh so self-awareness strategies is your ability to recognize what we feel our ability to recognize what we feel and using that awareness to choose our response yeah so uh the strategies is first is to know your triggers what makes you angry yeah what makes you sad what makes you ashamed what makes you and other feelings yeah what are the things that make you uh having that uh sensation or having that emotion um the

**[6:14]:** triggers of our emotion normally because we people do something which we don't like yeah if you go back to the story of uh afica you remember africa yeah uh if you go back to afrika and alias uh story africa was uh losing his her temper because uh her hot button was triggered yeah and her hot button or the trigger was the root uh the rudeness of the way alias talked to her yeah short and rude and that is the thing that uh what you call uh africa doesn't like so why why do you think africa doesn't like people talk to her rudely well that is maybe uh because uh it against the belief or the value that africa has uh maybe africa uh feel that it is not proper or it is not ethical or it is not good to talk uh rudely to others so that is the value that uh fika has that's

**[7:27]:** why when an aliyah go against or push the hot button of afika that's why africa lost her temper and stormed out from the room so the first strategy is to know your triggers what are your hot buttons what are the things that people can actually do or say or behave that make you angry uh or heard or something like that and the the suggestion is given there write down you write down your hot button issues then recall what you feel physically that led you to i know the button has been pushed yeah so i will show you the uh the example the table example for you to follow but the one that i give in my table is the one that i have so you might have different uh cues here and then finally right how you typically response to the situation okay let's see the example okay uh see there identify your triggers hot buttons impact and your behavior response so you see the hot button this is my hot button someone says uh or raises their

**[8:56]:** voice and say something rude to me so my physical cues yeah that i need to aware of is heat on my face or my temperature rise and my typical response might be arguing again okay and then uh the other thing that can be my hot button when someone said something like i didn't do my job uh and then he or herself doesn't do anything on her portion so that i know that i'm did my work i did my work and uh i was accused here i was accused of not doing my job so that will be my hot button so what would happen to me my temperature rise again my my throat dry and uh my my hair might be crumbles why my hair stumbles i'm trying to rest my i'm trying to uh my my what you call that my eventila is giving me signal whether to

**[10:12]:** fly fight or freeze okay so my typical response might be high tony i might be screaming or retaliate okay retaliation can become uh from with from different or with different different type yeah so your responsibility or the strategy here is for you to identify what are your hot buttons what are the physical cues when you hold when you have that hot button being triggered and finally what is your typical response so that is the what the

**[10:52]:** strategy for the self awareness now let us go to the second strategy uh i'm not saying the second suggestion this is the uh server management strategies yeah uh the one that we mentioned just now is the self management strategy okay now we go to the self management strategies so self management means ability to stay focused uh ability to redirect these destructive impulses and direct behavior positively okay once you identify uh your your cues you know your potential response you try to manage that potential response okay your typical response so what do you do you manage your self so this is the self management strategies that guy behind me is really having a good time yeah oh please ignore him yeah and listen to me ignore him i know uh the first strategies for self management is take a deep breath yeah deep breathing yeah take a deep breathing okay there are many types of deep

**[12:14]:** breathing in the uh you can actually go and see which one you are comfortable with but the one that i practice is three second inhale and then hold for five seconds and exhale for eight seconds so you can actually imagine yourself to have in your one hand to have um a good smell um a phenomenal flower and in your left hand in another hand you have a candle okay so you you are gonna inhale the the beautiful smell of the flower okay expand your uh you what your tummy yeah when you inhale there pause for five seconds and blow your candle let's do it again

**[13:18]:** inhale make sure your tummy is expanding yeah oh five seconds and blow your candle once again inhale your tummy has to be explained yeah all for 5 seconds and blow for 8 seconds okay you can do that three times five times as many as you can yeah but you can actually feel the difference yeah you can actually feel the difference your you will feel more relaxed yeah why because according to research uh there is actually a book yeah the benefit of oxygen yeah when you breathe uh it helps you to relax it actually relax it it says that when you breathe in you telling the the what the brain that everything is okay don't worry okay the second uh strategy is to do istighfar yeah according to dr dahlia he's a medical doctor she's a medical doctor a doctor from indonesia she said um by doing stick for three times yeah at least three times you can actually giving the time for the sensation in the limbic system okay uh reach the the

**[15:01]:** uh prefrontal lobe or the rational thinking area so you stick for the three times yeah

**[15:24]:** club you don't you don't do it in a very uh fast way uh do it in a very slow manner okay that is uh far and then smile yeah according to research when you are having the sensation you smile for about seven to ten seconds that will give the time for the sensation in your limbic system reach the prefrontal lobes okay and finally uh there are also is a set that you can count once you get the sensation your button has been pushed and you have the trigger you realize the cues you know your response which is uh not good yeah you know it's gonna be negative response so you what you do you count down from 10 to 1 10 nine eight seven six five four three two one so the principle is the same you're giving time for the sensation in your limbic system rich differential law or the rational thinking area of

**[16:39]:** your brain the second strategy uh suggested by trevor and jin in their book uh emotional intelligence 2.0 is to create an emotional versus recent list i will give you the examples afterwards yeah what are the uh what are the benefit of having that list uh yeah uh because when you have the uh the lease yeah uh uh that tells you these are your typical response and you have the uh professional response you already have the list having the list will give you kind of guide what are the what are the things that you need to do what are they responding do you need to take yeah you already have the lease yeah so having the two perspectives yeah whether to um to response negatively or response um operationally you have that list so having that list will help you to uh to choose which one to uh to pick at the particular time so and

**[17:44]:** finally incorporate time to process your emotion take time to process your emotions say for example you feel hurt go and spend some time alone and think about it reflect about it why these people are doing this to you maybe there's something that you did yeah there's something that you did that you don't realize and that uh it's been maybe been uh long ago but the thing that hurt is still with the person and this is the time for the they think that yeah the time for for you to uh repay you know uh to uh to to feel what they have feel say for example go back to the uh africa and alias uh yeah africa was africa was not happy with aliya's response right the rudeness of aliyah but there might be reasons why are aliyah acting like that maybe africa came late yeah maybe africa came late but she didn't do that she

**[18:47]:** didn't realize it maybe she didn't oh i think she didn't didn't uh say sorry you know and that that lead aliyah to to talk or to behave like what she uh did okay so we we need to like take time why this happened to me why does she do that why does she say that you know at the time maybe oh and and and else uh maybe you can uh you can leave the place nicely done storm out nicely and then uh go and sit somewhere maybe we maybe uh have a cover copy and think about it oh some of us uh we might go and uh and have to raka and we'll stay on our sadzada and think about what had happened what did i do you know you reflect what have happened because nothing has uh nothing uh happened without without uh any uh causes no effect without any uh causes yeah so

**[19:54]:** uh the the person's doing something to you there might be there must be a reason behind it so think about it is it is it you okay once you are cooled down then you go and ask okay so you might be also um what you call giving some kind of uh reason for the person to act like what they did okay so this is the release that i told you just now yeah uh the example of the lease that you need to have yeah because you're the one who knows yourself better so emotion say for example anger why you have that anger you maybe you're frustrated so the typical response what do you do usually when you are anger due to frustration you retaliate and then the rational response was supposedly listen and resonate think reflect okay and other emotions that you can you have maybe hurt maybe your your reason being uh your trust

**[21:02]:** been denied or people say something uh uh no money uh do something bad to you and then uh typically your typical response is shut down and your emotional response might be you ask for reasons and listen okay so you have the two line the two list here typical response our typical response and the rational response the if an emotional intelligence response yeah okay this is my example you can have more than two emotions and you can have more than one reasons for having the emotion and you have your typical response and rational response so having these lease will help you to respond better now we go to relationship management

**[22:03]:** relationship management means ability to find common ground to build rapport and manage interaction successfully okay um the uh one of the strategies shared in the book of emotion intelligent 2.0 a for relationship management is be open and curious okay be open here means open to share your feelings here if you don't agree with something you tell the person you tell the other party and i agree if you're not happy with something you tell the person that you are not happy and why you are not happy yeah say for example you are not agree with the suggestion you come up with another suggestion then don't just argue without any suggestion of alternative suggestion so be open to share your emotion your suggestion your idea okay to others and be open as well means uh open to others emotion others when you're a suggestion at this point your ideas yeah and uh be aware and sensitive with

**[23:14]:** others uh others feelings and perception okay open uh means also be uh friendly approachable it can also means open your door so opening your door means you are welcoming others to come in and talk to you the second strategy is receiving others perspectives through feedback feedback is so important it's like a mirror for us to uh to perform better but uh the problem arises when we get a negative feedback so but uh but this is the the time when you need to use your emotional intelligence normally we are we don't have problem when we have good feedback we are having problem when we get a negative feedback so when you get a negative feedback that is one thing that you need to uh put into your head okay it is not easy for the person to give us the negative feedback okay the uh it's the same as you receive the negative feedback it's not

**[24:31]:** easy it is also not easy for the person to give you the negative feedback by giving you the negative feedback we are actually putting the relationship yeah between us in in a situation which is uh risk we risk the we risk the relationship yeah when we uh give a negative feedback negative feedback actually uh allow us to grow um i have a story actually related to the uh giving feedback uh i my friends and i the one that uh we we have this group what's up group uh uh we are all the group uh all the uh alumni uh 19 who agreed in 1997. so every year uh excluding this year yeah uh due to the community so we don't have we don't we don't go and uh having our holiday we have our holiday usually every year we go together and in that particular holiday we have this session feedback session yeah uh so there was one friend uh she asked us to give it back so we give the feedback so um she listened but she didn't uh what he called believe

**[26:01]:** us so um so to to make it uh maybe to make us feel um a new release or feel not that hurt uh because she doesn't agree with our response uh our feedback she called her husband and asked whether our opinion about her was true and the husband confirmed and even after the husband confirmed she's not convinced yet so she called her sister-in-law and the sister-in-law uh supported our feedback and then she accepts the feedback that you gave her so it is not easy to receive and give feedback yeah it's difficult but again it helps you to grow and make you a better person so this is one of the uh skills an important skill for us to have what you call as a successful

**[27:13]:** communication management empathy so being empathy means consider others emotion okay you can see the others emotion if you are hurt when people talk to you rudely it's the same goes to the other person okay so that is the first one consider others emotion um take there is a perspective okay try to put yourself in the position of the other person yeah and then with whole judgment is husband judgment don't judge don't judge at the beginning you need to take time and ask before you come to conclusion with whole judgment whatever happened you make whole judgment first give sometimes to think and uh after that you ask if you need to ask yeah um suspension judgment is important or suspension or withhold your judgment is important because uh uh we we wanted to stop ourselves from jump jumping to conclusion because you already have that thinking done so perception a bad perception about others so we

**[28:28]:** we are not uh we are not being um fair to the other party so that's why we need to have what we call as withhold your judgement you know get more information think about it and then you conclude don't jump to conclusion in the early stage of the situation okay let's see we already learned about uh strategies here our uh self-awareness strategies management strategies um social media social awareness strategies and then we also have learned what you call as social communication management so let's see these case study tools to make sure that we understand what we have learned throughout the session so the case study 2.0 goes like this daniel or dr daniel supervised his phd student dedicatedly for over three years he helped the students build his study from scratch from zero yeah when the student is to sit for the previa daniel was told that there is a second supervisor for the student

**[29:54]:** dr daniel was so surprised because he had never been informed of the existence of the second supervisor however for the student's advantage dr daniel met another copy of the thesis for that second supervisor next morning dr daniel received a short message from the second supervisor it goes like this the student is not well supervised there are many weaknesses these thesis needs to go through a major revision reading the message dr daniel was shocked and he felt his body tightened and his hands began to shake the comment really offended him he was he has a sudden urge of energy to retaliate and argue instead he took a couple of deep breaths and waited for a couple of minutes daniel then replied to the message it goes like this i know you expect more but i do not think it is fair for you to judge me and the students like that i will see you and

**[31:06]:** explain what i mean thank you

**[31:12]:** so from the scenario okay wait i have will get behind me okay from this scenario the question is do you think dr daniel has a high emotional intelligence okay have a discussion with your friends with your lecturer and answer the question that she does he dr dania uh has good uh good self-managed self-awareness does he have good self management does he has good empathy does he has a good communication management okay heavy discussion okay argue whenever you want okay so to help you with the uh scenario analysis just now yeah uh daniel dr daniel demonstrated a high level of ai he is aware of the profili's comment affecting him you know he felt the the he you know and she realized he realized her his hands was she was shakes and then yeah uh he's a good uh he is aware of what happened to himself okay he realized his physical response yeah he knows his natural reaction you have to argue back because he has the right

**[32:42]:** actually to argue because he is the one who looked after or who helped the students here from the beginning from nothing and then at the end of the road this particular professor uh commented that way yeah so he has that tendency to argue but he didn't argue yeah he effectively navigate you know navigate and uh uh the potential emotionally hijacking by taking a deep breath and wait for a moment prior to doing something or answering the the message yeah uh he uses social awareness he dr daniel uses social awareness to acknowledge that his second supervisor prof ali is not happy because he is a professor he he wants better you know so daniel realized that you know that the doctor of profiling is not happy but remain open to negotiation yeah okay i've come to the conclusion of this uh session okay uh this is a very nice quote here if they respect you respect

**[33:56]:** them if they disrespect you still respect them do not allow this action or others to decrease your good manners because you respect yourself not others so to help you to uh to know more about yourself your emotional intelligence i invite you to go and visit uh i would advise you to go and visit the this uh link here and do your emotional intelligence test okay it will give you the result will give you a general uh general input about your emotional intelligence what are your strengths where are your uh what you call your weaknesses what are the things that you need to improve so it's a good thing yeah it's free if it's a free online tests if you want in general the result general but if you want if you want to have the detail result you need to pay about 10 us dollar okay that's all the choice is yours uh what is

**[35:03]:** important is for you to do details so that you know uh generally or uh something about yourself on your and your level of emotion so by this so by this point yeah i have up to this point i hope that uh we have be able to uh for you to identify the general definition of eq and its importance we should be able to classify what is emotional intelligence consists of and the challenges that we're gonna face when we are trying to become an emotionally intelligent person finally just now we have uh give you expose you to uh numbers of uh strategies it's not much but if you do it insha'allah is gonna help you it's gonna come handy yeah insha allah so we give you these strategies to improve emotional intelligence and interaction with others in the future so i think that is about all thank you and these are my references to end the

**[36:09]:** session again i need to remind you this is and uh emotional intelligence is something that you need to practice it will go it will not uh it will not benefit you this session will not benefit you if you don't do it so please try your best to do it thank you so much have a good day assalamualaikum warahmatullahi