Transcript
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Benny is introduced and immediately lays out his core message: success comes from starting, embracing failure, and not letting self-doubt stop you. He explains that he is a normal person who succeeds through persistence, not special talent.
Today on the Mel Robbins podcast, the one and only Benny Blanco is here with unbelievable stories.
I would cold call record labels and then I'd call and I'd say, "Uh, yes.Uh, I'm I'm I'm calling on behalf of Jay-Z.We need to speak to uh
from his 12time Grammy nominated songwriting and producing career.Benny has 29 number one hits.
Justin Bieber's Love Yourself, Ed Sheeran's Don't, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Maroon Five.Benny will teach you how to eliminate self-doubt.
You're stopping yourself because you're scared.And you don't need to be scared.I'm going to look at the camera again.You don't need to be scared.I still have imposttor syndrome.
You I still do
overcome failure.
See, I fail all the time.Look, I justed up just now.Okay.So, that's a that's a perfect Keep that in.Nobody take that out.
And reset your mind for success.
Look at me.I'm not like it's not like some special thing.I have no special power.I wasn't born with anything special.I'm just a normal guy.I get to the brick wall and I like I like I like throw it to the ground.I run.I jump through it.I might break my neck or something, but I'm going to die trying to do it.Here's what you need to do.
Benny Blanco, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
Oh my gosh.
Are we on?
We're on.
Oh wow.Okay, I'm ready.
So am I.Here's where I want to start.
Okay.If the person listening takes everything to heart that you're about to share based on your life experience and your crazy career about the importance of failure, the importance of how you handle self-doubt.
Mhm.
If they really take to heart what you're going to teach us today,
Mhm.
what the heck could change about my life?
I got a few things.One, I'm from Virginia.I am not from Los Angeles.I am not from New York City.I did not grow up with famous parents.I did not grow up with a ton of money.I was like a funnyl looking kid and somehow through sheer will and not an incredible amount of talent.I really don't have an incredible amount of talent.I'm uh not the hottest guy you've ever seen in your life, but somehow I married the most beautiful, talented woman on planet Earth.I did everything I wanted to do in my career, and I'm still searching for new amazing opportunities every day.Like, look, if you're 54 and you want to be in the NBA, I'm going to root for you, but it might be an uphill battle.I'd say almost everything in the world you can do.you can do most of the things if you work hard at it.
It's just about getting started.Okay?So, everyone always gives nine million excuses why they're not going to do something, why they can't.So, they'll they'll say, "Oh, um, I'm going to write this book, but oh first I got to get a typewriter.Oh, no.I'm not going to do a typewriter.I'll do it on my phone."No, no, I got to be old school and I got to do it uh I got to write it by hand.And there's by by then there's it's been three weeks and you're still figuring out what apparatus you're going to use to write your book.And it's just about starting now.Start today.I don't care.Whatever idea you have, if you have one idea, and it's usually the idea you're too scared to tell anyone because you're embarrassed, you're shy, you one, all of the above.Start doing something to move that from here to here.
I'm asking you to move it 3 and 1/2 in forward.So just three and a half inches forward today.If you can do that, just start to do it.And you know what?The thing you start off doing might not be the thing you do in the end.But you'll probably land somewhere pretty cool.Like I thought I was going to be the biggest singer rapper in the world when I was 11 years old.That didn't happen for me.But I did get to do some pretty cool along the way.So just start somewhere.You write on the back of this book, I wrote this book to show you why it's the key to success, failure.
Yeah.
Every hero you've ever had has failed more times than you can imagine.Nobody is keeping a scorecard on your life except you.And if they are, they're an a-hole.Embrace failure and never look back.
Mel and Benny dig into why people hesitate to begin, focusing on embarrassment, rejection, and the fear of being judged. Benny shares how he built his career by showing up, making calls, and putting himself in the room.
Why do you think it's so hard for people to start?Why do we get so up in our heads?What are we afraid of, Benny?
I think it's really hard for people to start the engine because there's so many what-ifs.There's so many things.Well, what if I post this and then my friends from when I was younger make fun of me cuz it looks like I'm trying to be like too reachy or too preachy or too this or too that.And then someone says, "Well, what if I post my music video and it gets zero views?""Well, what if I try out for the basketball team and I I don't make it?I'm and and what if I, you know, go to acting class and they tell me I'm bad?"People are scared of being embarrassed.Okay?
And it's something that we were taught and it's not true.I I fail every day.Okay.I fail every single day.And one of my friends, one of my friends told me, he said he was going through a tough time.He very successful, had something that failed in his career, and he like couldn't get over it.And he said, "You're standing on a soap box talking about how you're going to do something, and it's going to be the biggest best thing in the world."And you know, 90% of the time it is.He said, "But even when you fail, you just wake up the next day and you just go about it.You just go about it like nothing happened."And I I I started thinking about it and I said, "Well, I guess I have like a failure to amnesia."
What does that mean?Failure to amnesia
or amnesia to failure.See, I all the time.Look, I just up just now.Okay.So, that's a that's a perfect keep that in.Nobody take that out.
I'm not taking that out.Don't you worry.
So, I
You have an amnesia to failure, meaning you forget about failure.
If you forget about the failure, I feel like everyone else is going to forget about it.Like, look like Okay.Okay.Look,
did you I want to make sure that as you're listening, you actually heard what Benny just said.That if you forget about the failure, everybody else is going to forget about it.
Okay.Look this.
What?Oh, so he's holding a board that says that.Yeah.Anyone listening, I'm holding a board that says failure.Okay, this is this is you.This is me.We are this board.We are together.We both have lots of failures.But if we just go like this and we go like that and we go like that and you just pretend that I'm really good at erasing and there's none of those little specks of failure there anymore.Right now we have a blank board.Okay.So, you're looking at this right now.This is me.You don't see failure.You see nothing.
It's so true.But hold on.You know what I see when I look at you?
What?
Because this is one of the reasons when we when you and I first started talking and I think you are such an incredibly powerful and unique teacher.I really do.And yet I was like, okay.And how do I get over the fact and overcome the fact that when somebody looks at you and sees your career or sees you in the public eye and sees all the accomplishments, there's that distance that's sort oflike, okay, well, you know, it's Benny Blanco.I mean, what what could he teach me about like how I'm going to get like happiness in my life or meaning in my life?Do you see what I mean?And so people look at you and only see the accomplishments, but they don't see the failures that got you here because nobody's looking at those failures.What do you remember about Michael Jordan?
He dunkked from the foul line.He scored like the most amount of points out of anyone.Maybe LeBron broke that now.I don't even know.But at that time it was that.So you're sitting there, you're looking at Michael Jordan and what do you are you counting all his misses?He took the most shots out of anybody.And it's like he He's not he he's not sitting there saying like, "I took 22 shots today.I shouldn't take any more.I only made six of them."No, he's going to shoot the lights out until he gets what he wants.And I feel like you, me, we're all doing the same thing.I should be the exact person you're listening to.Look at me.I'm not like It's not like some special thing.I have no special power.I wasn't born with anything special.I'm just a normal guy who works really hard and gets what I want.
Because most people when they get up to that line where it's just a brick wall.Okay, you're sitting at a brick wall.Most people they get to the brick wall, they go, "Uh, it's a brick wall.I'm going to turn around."Me, I get to the brick wall and I like I like I like throw it to the ground.I run.I jump through it.I might break my neck or something, but I'm going to die trying to do it.And that's just if you have the motivation and you just keep going and you don't let anybody tell you you can't do something because of this, this, and that.You just you're you can do it.You can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it almost.Well, Betty, you know what I find fascinating is that a lot of at least I for me personally, I can see years wasted waiting for either somebody to pick me
or somebody to notice or somebody to give me permission or the perfect conditions.And as everybody's been waiting around for some like other person, right, to give you the signal.
Yeah.What it's easy to miss is that the only person that's actually stopping you from doing something is you.
And you're stopping yourself because you're scared.And you don't need to be scared.I'm going to look at the camera again.You don't need to be scared.Nothing bad is going to happen except maybe you you you're right where you started and you just got to keep working harder at it.And I'll tell you one thing, I've been at the top and had to go all the way back to the down to the bottom and come back up.Has that ever happened to you?Have you ever been at the top of your game and fallen down so far you don't even know where you could go and then you got to climb all the way back up?
Yes.41, three kids under the age of 10.We were doing great.My husband was in the restaurant business.Things went sideways.We found ourselves 800 grand in debt.Leans hit the house.I lost my job.couldn't pay for groceries.I Yeah.
And what did you do?
I clo Well, first of all, I drank myself into the ground and then laid around in misery and bitched at my husband and blamed the world for my problems.And that didn't work.And then I finally got so sick of where I was.And I got so sick of waiting for somebody else to rescue me.And I got so disgusted by the spiraling that I was creating and the envy that I felt watching other people progress in their lives.Like I literally got just disgusted with myself and the stagnation and the self-loathing that I just had this moment where I just said if I actually want to change my life, prove it.
Do you remember where you were?
Yes.
Where were you?I was lying in bed on a Tuesday morning, February 2008.
And then how many things do you think you tried before things started going your way?Like how many how many times did you try to get a job, try to do this, try to get money?
It was Do you know I mean it took every day all day long?That's my life.And you know that's my life.But when you say that you don't have any special talents,
I I I I really Look, obviously I know how.
Convince me because I don't believe that.
Okay, here's what
Cuz I think it's a special talent to start, but I think you can teach us how to do it.
Yes, I know if I show up every day.If I just show up.Okay, that's the first thing you got to do.Just show up.Okay, I just show up.Not even I maybe I don't know even what I'm doing.But if I show up and eventually if I show up there might not be the other guy there and they just need the next best thing and I happen to be like it's really not that complicated.Look, it seems so complicated.It seems daunting for me.I started Okay, I had a dream.I wanted to be a musician, a professional musician.Okay,
music is going to be my life.And I just I have no connections.0.0 connections.So there's nothing.There's nothing there.There's no point of entry.Zero.I can't even go show up somewhere.I don't know where it is to show up.
That's so true.So, I would go and I would wait outside of recording studios when I was probably at this point like 10, 11.And I would go 10 or 11.Yeah.I'd go to a studio.I'd have my mom take me.I'd go to a studio and I'd wait outside and I'd wait for a person to walk out and I'd say, "Do you make music?"And that was I would just ask and then I'd say, "Can I do anything here?Can I do this?Can I do that?"And I was just trying to be in the room cuz if you show up and you're in the room, something's going to go down.Something's going to happen.You're going to either learn, you're going to get an opportunity.Like so much of it is just showing up and then finding the room.Okay, that's the first two things.
Okay.And your mom, you figured out where recording studios are.So you're showing up
and I remember the turning point for me is the first form of social media came out.Okay.And it was called well the first form that I got was called MySpace.
Okay.and I got on MySpace.Okay.
So, again, showing up.
Yes.
Putting yourself in the room.These can be real rooms.They can be digital rooms.
Yep.And we didn't even have a computer at this point.So, I would do it at lunchtime in the library and I would do anything I could to get in touch with people.So, first thing I started doing is I would cold call record labels.Okay?And let's say I was calling Innercope Records.I would call up and I'd say, "Is Jimmy Ian there?"Jimmy Ivine ran Intercope Records.I'd say, "Is Jimmy I there?"And then I would look up who Snoop Dogg or Tupac.I'd look up who their lawyer was.I'd look up online and then I'd call and I'd say, "Uh, yes.Uh, I'm I'm I'm calling on behalf of Jay-Z.This is Michael Guido.need to speak to uh you know uh Jimmy uh immediately and you know half the time they wouldn't do it but occasionally I would get put through.
Okay.So I'd be put through to the president of the company and I'd say oh I'm sorry this isn't Michael Vto I just want to let you know this is Benny Blanco.I have all this music I want to show you.and I'd get hung up on and but eventually I started becoming friendly with the interns with the people that answered the phone and I I I you know and I kept those relationships up till this I mean mymanager my manager of my career is a person I met when I was 16 years old doing all these same shenanigans working for people interning for people and I still am with him 20some years later and a lotof those people I first called are now the heads of companies and and I still have those relationships 20some years later and I started I had no idea what I was doing but I got up I woke up
and I did the same thing in you.I got out of I got out of bed and I just I I start every day myself.I try to make every day the best day I can for that day.Okay.And the only way you don't get better is if you don't get out of bed.And getting out of bed doesn't just mean getting out of bed.Getting out of bed means going and attacking the day.And as long as you start attacking the day, it will get better.
The conversation shifts to the reality that success is hard work and that even loved ones experience the effects of that grind. Benny explains that success means doing your best, learning from setbacks, and continuing even when everything feels difficult.
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Thank you.
This is page 72.Okay.Okay.
Here's a fun fact.You're never going to feel ready to start.If you wait around until you feel prepared or like you have enough experience or like you know how it all works, I will come back to check on you in 5 years and you will still be standing exactlywhere you are right now.Success is not worrying about the inevitable failure that comes from not totally knowing what you're doing.It's about going allin with so much conviction that everyone believes you, including yourself, then rolling the dice.What does that mean?
Right before I do something, I get scared.But it's a different type of scared.I'm not scared to do it.I'm just It's about to happen.M
it's about to happen and there's that moment where you go, do I want everyone to know this?Do I want everyone to know this?Do I it?And then you just And then you just go for it.And I'm always going to go for it because if I believe it, if I can sell a dream to myself and to the people around me, it's it's going to start work.It's just going to start swaying in your direction.Like the gravity will pull.It's going to it's like if you have the energy on your side and you're moving forward, even if some things are pushing you back, eventually you're going to be able to push through.And it's just most people find it hard to do that first push.And a lot of people don't believe in themselves.
Well, what would you say to the person who's listening like I want that?Yes.Yes.and I don't believe in myself.Maybe they've been rejected after trying for a little bit.It's taking too long.And so that self-doubt is really there.What would you say to the person who's listening who's like, "Benny, I want that, but I don't know how to start believing in myself.How bad did the rejection hurt?"Okay, that's first what I want to know.How bad was it being rejected?Is it bad?Yeah, you ask someone out when you're a kid and they say no and you're embarrassed for a few hours and then you come back to school the next day and nobody gives a because a new person got askedout and rejected.So, first you got to know how bad did it hurt to be rejected and and it's I promise you, you're sitting there, you're talking to yourself right now and you're saying it's not that bad in your head.
You want to say it's worse.You really want to say it was this terrible thing and I couldn't get out of bed for 16 years.No, it it wasn't that bad.It wasn't that bad.It It sucked.It sucked for a second.It wasn't that bad.Okay.So, rejection's not that bad.So, that's not your excuse.Okay.Is it going to be hard?Yeah, it's going to be hard.What?You You just want to like immediately be the best at something in the world?No.You're going to have to work at it.Okay.You're going to have to work at it and you're going to fail and you're going to have so many barriers and you're going to have so many times where you want to quit, but you're not going to becauseyou know that if you do quit, you're just giving space for that other person trying the same thing to just get right ahead of you.
Oh god, that's a good one.
Yeah.
That the second you quit, you actually just
open the door for someone else.I think what you're talking about is really interesting because a lot of people believe that the path to getting what they want should or will be easier than it needs to be and it will be like let's talkabout that like harder.
Yeah.Like it's going to be so much harder
than you think it is.
You're going to work harder than you've ever worked in your life and you're going to want to quit.I want to quit all the time.I'm exhausted.I'm tired.Like we're all tired.Everyone is tired.I'm looking at the Are you tired?Yes.You don't even You're I know you're shaking your head.Yes.We're all tired.Everyone is tired.I'm tired doing a thing that I love more than anything in the world.But I'm I'm tired because I'm putting in the hours and I'm doing and you know, sometimes, look, I I I'll be for real with you.Sometimes I've been working all day, okay?
And I finally get home.I'm exhausted.It's, you know, it's 8.I got to make dinner.Um Selena's waiting for me.She's been waiting to eat.And yet sometimes I come home and I'm exhausted.And and and I know I have to give that to her because she wasn't she wasn't part of that day.She her day is just starting now with me.Success comes in so many different forms.And if I get to come home and I listen to everything she's saying and she tells me about her whole day and we get to connect on a deeper level, like that's a whole different that's my other that'sanother sign of success.I didn't fail.I succeeded,
you know.
Well, I I really got something out of what you just said.I want to hover right here for a minute
cuz you said something that has never quite hit me that way,
which is when you get home after a long stressful day and you are walking in and your wife Selena is there.
Mhm.
Her day with you is just starting.
Mhm.
And after being with Chris for 32 years,
Yeah.I will tell you that poor man typically gets the worst of me
even though he is my favorite person in the world and deserves the best.
But I had never thought about framing it
as your kids or your spouse
or your friend or your brother or your mom, their day is starting with you when you walk in at the end of the day.
Of course.Of course.Look, you're not going to win every time.Like I I've I've and I I'm competitive until the thing's over.Like let's say it's like I'm in a race to get a song number one or to get number one on the uh the book charts or I'm I'm going to give it my all and I'm going to becompetitive as and do everything I can or if I want to get that job, I'm going to do everything I can and then at the end whether I get it or not, that's the end.I did my absolute hardest.I I put all the effort I could possibly do into it and I'm happy.That's success to me.Whether it's technically a failure or not, that is still success to me.That is the definition.
So, do you have a trick?Like if you put your all into something and then it doesn't happen.
Yeah.
Is there a way you unhook yourself from the fact that it didn't happen?
Yeah.I say, "What else could you have done?You did every If you do I only am mad at myself if I didn't do all the things."Sometimes things don't work.Sometimes it's not the right time, not the right place.I might I'm not going to give up on that passion, but I might have to go back to the drawing board and say, "Okay, how did this not work?"Like what what can I do differently this time to make this work for me?And sometimes working doesn't mean being number one on the chart.Like like for me to know that this resonated with people, for me to know this or that.And I look at it, if I did everything I possibly could do, it's complete.And the only way that stays a failure and doesn't get flipped into a success is if I didn't learn from what happened during that failure.
What I wanted to unpack with you, Benny, is the fact that it is also hard to not do it.It is hard to sit in the self-doubt.It is hard to say all the whatifs.It is hard to think about all the things you could be doing and watching everybody else do it.And at some point understanding that either one doing it
Oh yeah.
or not doing it is hard.
Oh my god.They're both painful.Everything is Look, that's what I'm saying.It's like everything
Benny shares a personal story about developing a fear of flying and how he slowly pushed through it anyway. He uses that experience to show that fear may remain, but it does not have to control your decisions.
in life is going to be hard at some point.That's just how it works.The best things in the world, you say you have a kid, you love your kid, something's going to be hard.You have a relationship, you love, I don't care if it's the best relationship in the world.It's hard because two people are fitting together and two people have completely different lives and they have to coexist and live together.Let's say you're working in a job with, let's say you're working for someone.It's going to be hard because you're going to have to do things for that person above you.Let's say that person above you is having a shitty day and they're taking it out on you.Like, it's going to be hard.It's all going to be hard.So, it your point's perfect because it's like if it's all going to be hard, at least do something that's going to have some relief somewhere rather than just sitting in a hole that's always going to be a hole
of misery.
What is this big fear that you got over?
I wouldn't say got over.
Okay.
But, okay.So,
I was on an airplanein 200 nine.So, I get on the plane, my plane instantly is a terrible flight.Like, it couldn't be worse.It's like one of those flights where no one's allowed to go to the bathroom.There's no drinks, no anything.
That's the sign that that things are dangerous when they don't put the cart in the high.
Well, they had it up at the beginning and it flew down the thing.So, it's it's tense.Get off the plane, get on another plane that's like this big and and I'm connecting.It's like me and my three friends and I can like smell what the pilot had for lunch.And then I I I tell my manager, I say on the way back, I say like, "I don't know if I can fly home."And I remember I took a train home.So I took a train back to New York from Florida.
Florida.
Yeah.So, and I was like, it was so annoying.But then I get home and I fly again a few times.I remember I had a girlfriend at the time in London.I'm going to see her.It's okay.Like I'm okay, but I'm like really on edge.Like every little bump is like making me nervous.On the way home, this was back in the day.I don't even know if it's like this anymore where like your TV came out of like a thing next to the rest or whatever.And I remember I'm on there, we hit a bump and my TV thing just flies off and I'm like I'm never flying again.At this point, first I like my brother drives me across country for the first time and then my uh my friends did, then I took a train, then I took a bus, then I started taking a tour bus
and I really never flew again really after that.I um for how long?I flew a handful of times after 2009 and I flewonce in 2018.Then I flew once in like 2019 and then I flew once like a week or two ago or like a month ago.Really?I flew a month or two ago for this book because I said if I'm talking about failures and successes and coming over the How could I not get on a plane?And I was scared, but I didn't hit the snooze button.I woke up.I attacked the day and I got on the plane and then I went and I ate tacos.Um, but I was scared.I was scared, but I did it.I was convincing myself that I was going to do it.I don't know if I'm cured forever, but I was still very scared, but I did it.
I did it.And then I I I I I'll tell you something.I'll tell you I'll tell you a few stories.One time I was me and Ed Sheeran were finishing the Divide album.Okay.And that's like his album with Shape of You.Perfect.Castle on the Hill.Like so many so many big songs.and he said, "I want to finish the album in my hometown in Suffk, which is on, you know, the coast of like it's on like the water in in England."So I said, "Ed, I I don't I I I I don't fly."And he knew I didn't fly.And he said, "Come on, man.Just fly."And I said, "I can't fly."And he said, "Well, what if we take a boat?"So, we took a boat from New York City to London and it was 7 and 1/2 days and we watched the Titanic on the boat.
Oh my god, you are a glutton for punishment.
And we made we actually made a lot of the album on the boat.There's a documentary out about the whole experience.Um, and and I'm crazy.And I I I still I wanted to prove I could do this
because I like I have to practice what I preach.But yeah, it still haunts me.It's still hard.It's still I did it, but it was tough.It was really hard.And I'm going to have to do it again.And I'm going to have to do it again.But yeah, I'm literally taking a boat in a few weeks to Europe again.again.
Again,
how does it feel to know that that fear is stopping you from making certain decisions?
It's It doesn't stop me from making decisions because I work so hard that I have to find a way to do it.So, I still get to whatever destination I need to.But yeah, it's stupid.Are you kidding me?It's
It's not stupid cuz it's very real.
It's very stupid.It doesn't It's very real.stupid and real don't don't mean like it it's stupid and and sometimes look I'm not saying you have to be perfect.I am the furthest version from perfect that there is.I mess up constantly.I'm the same guy who will go in and I'll say something.I'll say, "Oh, why did I say that?That was so stupid.I shouldn't say that."or or all have you know always I'm still I still have imposttor syndrome.
You I do I
I still do
like put me at the scene when the last time you had imposter syndrome.
When I walked in here today really
I'm saying when I walked in and there was a bunch of people in here
the first thing that I said I said ah why are all these people here for me?this is like, shouldn't they just do their stuff?And and I got and I and I and I started getting embarrassed and and and sometimes I'll be like always when I'm doing one of these things, I'm like, well, why does a person want to listen to whatI have to say?And and I think that's also part of what helped me get to where I am today.I just want people to really know like because it's very easy for me and Mel to sit here and say like you're going to do this and you're going to do that but like I know for us there'salways there's forms of self-doubt.There's times when we don't feel like doing it.There's times when I wake up and I say I can't do it today.
The point I'm trying to make is I feel like sometimes people will start what they're doing and then they'll regress and they'll have that moment and they'll say, "Oh, it's already gone.It's I I I I I stopped.I can't do it."And it's not true.It's not true.You're just going to get up and you're going to work twice as hard tomorrow.It's not always perfect.And that's okay.And it's okay to fail.And it's okay to be bummed about failing, too.But in the back of your head, you still got to be like, "Today, I couldn't do it.I couldn't fight.I wanted to.I couldn't do it and tomorrow I'm gonna work three times as hard.
Mel highlights the deeper lesson behind Benny's work ethic: showing up for years even when it feels impossible. Benny tells the story of creating and releasing Eastside, including the setbacks, negotiations, and persistence that eventually turned it into a hit.
I want to make sure as you're listening you really heard something really important that Benny just explained, which is when it comes to success and creating the life that you want or going after goals that you really feelcalled to go after.The skill is not that you just start and you keep going and then suddenly it gets easier.The actual skill that creates the things that you want is continuing to wake up for decades and not feel like it.Continuing to have it be really hard.
Continuing to question what you're doing.And the skill becomes showing up anyway.That's what I kind of hear you saying that like it's not about that if you
just keep showing up and you just keep producing the music or you just keep posting the videos or you just keep trying to lose the weight that it's going to get any easier cuz I don't think it does.
No, that's people's biggest misconception.Look, I'll tell you a story.
Tell me a story.
I The year is maybe 2015.I don't even know.I'm so bad with years.I was a really successful producer and songwriter and I
can Can you stop before you tell the story?Can you just tell the person who's listening like like what does that mean?Like how old were you when you signed your first record deal?
Well, I signed my first record deal when I was seven.Uh 18.Okay.18.
My first like real one.Basically, I started writing songs for other people.Okay.I had a knack for it, I guess, and I was able to create most of like the soundtrack for like kids childhood from a certain from a certain era.I hate talking about myself, but for all intents and purposes, I was at the top of the charts for many many years for writing most of the popular songs at any given time.Just give the person a couple like cuz cuz somebody might not know what you're talking about.
Hold on.
You're not talking about kids bop.
No, I'm going to I'm Guys, this this is so embarrassing just because I always forget.I'm going to I'm going to literally Wikipedia myself.I'll read a few.Katy Perry I kissed a girl.Katy Perry Hot and Cold.Britney Spears Circus.Uh Kesha's Tik Tok.Kesha's blah blah blah.Kesha's Your Love is my drug.Katy Perry's California Girls.Katy Perry's Teenage Dream.Uh, Rihanna, Diamonds, Maroon 5, Moves Like Jagger, Maroon 5, Payphone, um, Maroon 5 Maps, Maroon 5 Animals, Ed Sheeran's Don't, Ed Sheeran's entire X, entire, uh, Divide album, Justin Bieber's Love Yourself, Major Laser's Cold Water, uh, Senorita byShawn Mendes and Camila Cabo there.I mean, I I don't I'm done.Great.No, no, that that like gives good context.So, let's go back to the story now that we have the context.You said it was like 2015.
We're going even earlier than that.Great.Okay.So, I was really in a good position.Okay.I had all the success, all these number ones, and I was finding it hard to get the work I wanted.And I was like, why is this so difficult?And I was like still running into the same problems I always thought.And when I was younger and I was making these songs, oh well once I have all the hits, everyone's just going to come to me.I was still running into the same problem.And honestly, it was even worse because people were like, "Oh, well you made any song you played them has to be the biggest song in the world because they're expecting something that's so um larger than life."And I was on tour with Ed Sheeran.Okay.And the Defiant Ones had just come out by uh Doc, it's a documentary with Dr.
Dre and Jimmy Ivine.And I remember sitting backstage at Gillette Stadium with Ed Sheeran.And it was his first time ever playing a stadium show.And we were watching Defiant Ones and it just finished and he stood up and he said, "Man, they did so much in their life.what the are we doing with our lives?And literally as he said, "What the are we doing with our lives?"A man comes backstage and says, "All right, Ed, you're on."And Ed went and played in front of 75,000 people.And I remember right after that, I called my manager who's right outside, the guy I've known since I was 15, and I said, "We got to do something different.No one's taking my music.The artists are changing.that idea isn't.I need to put out the music myself.I need to be the record label, the artist, the publisher, everything.
And two days before, me and Ed had made a demo together.And the demo was the beginnings of a song called East Side.Okay.And I told him, I said, "Hey, I think I really want to use East Side for my artist project.I want to become an artist."And I thought Ed was going to say, "Dude, what the are you talking about?just make songs for us.That's it.And he looked at me and he said, "I can't believe it's taken you so long to do this.You should totally become an artist."Ed tells me to do it.The song's amazing.I love it.Go to Ed.I say, "Ed, I want you on the song."He says, "No."He said, "I'm putting out my own music for the next year.Can't have can't be on the song."And I said, "Okay, one down."
I go to Justin Bieber next.I say, "You got to be on this song."No response.Okay.Then I say, "All right."No one wants to record it.Then I say, "Wait, I think this song should be a duet."Okay.And I'm at my house one day and I'm recording Hollyy.And I said, "I got this song that I did with Ed and I wanted I'm making my own artist thing."and and she was like, "You're making an artist project?"And I thought she was like I thought it was like going to be like, "What are you doing?"She was like, "That's awesome.Of course, I'll do it."So within like 20 minutes, she does her verse on the song.So now I have one artist on the song.I somehow get put in touch with Khaled at the time, and this is like he was really top of the charts at this point.
And I said, I have this song.I want you to be on it.And he says, "Let's do it."So, he records the song.Okay.Then we get to the point where the song's about to come out and I send Khaled the song back and he said, "I hate my vocals.I have to redo it or the song can't come out."And I said, "We got one more day.The song has to be sent to master."with all odds stacked up against us.We get that done.Okay.So, song is recorded.It's finished.I say we're home free.Everything's good.All the powers that be, all the label owners, the managers, it gets all up.Song's not coming out anymore.Okay.Song's not coming out.We wait more months.Now, we're 10 months after, you know, things were going to happen.so many start and stops and I finally get to the point where I'm about to give up and I have a call someone in the deal is not budging and it's either this way or the highway and it
was something that was unworkable and I remember everyone was like well we did it we we gave it our best shot I said I'm going to call one more time and I smoothed the deal out immediately called allmy people everyone did it we finally get the song out.Okay.Song comes out and I'm like, "Let's go."And I was like, and and doesn't really do anything.Like it's like going, but it's like and I'm like, "Okay."And then starts picking up a little bit.Okay.Then a little more, then a little more.And it was the longest climb to number one in radio history.The longest it's ever taken for a song to get from the bottom to the top.Now I have my first hit song as an artist.Now that long story I took there, that was just one story in the process of making an album.
And to you, you saw this song come out be incredibly successful.You definitely didn't realize all the conversations I had staying up trying to get this song to happen.You definitely didn't.I had so much self-doubt.I was questioning it all the time.I was questioning every second of the way.And then I got there and we did it.And I could have given up and I could have hit the snooze button and I could have not and I could have looked when failure was written all over that board that I threw around.But I just got up and I kept doing it.And I don't know why I kept doing it.I kept putting my foot in front of the other, even if I didn't know why I was doing it.And then we got there and we did it.And we did it.
And a thing that was just a little dream backstage at a show became the rest of my life.
The discussion turns to the idea of life as a three-legged stool made up of career, relationships, and health. Benny explains that stability comes from keeping those areas in balance and knowing when to step back and realign.
I love the story so much, and one of the reasons why is because as you go along the trajectory of what sounded like almost a 2-year
long project,
almost.Yeah.and the various points there was infinite infinite moments where you could have just been like this.
Yeah,
I it this is done.Okay, I got the no.I'm exhausted.I'm not doing this anymore.And in those infinite moments, all it takes is one person to still believe.And that person is just you.And it's one of the things that you've kind of been saying over and over that if you wake up every day and say, "I'm just going to move this song forward 3 in today."
Mhm.
And then I'm going to do it again tomorrow and I'm going to do it again tomorrow until I get enough momentum to make the phone call and inch it forward three more inches.And what's amazing about that story, because I really want you to sit with this as you think about where you are in your life, is how many days you wake up and you're the no and you're coming upwith the reasons why you can't inch it forward or find another way.And you know, you talked Benny about the whatifs, right?And you sit in the what if and what if what if and we don't ever ask ourselves, what if it all works out?What if I make one more phone call and I can get the deal done?What if I ask one more time?What if it works?
My mom, you know, she never chased her dreams.Never.My mom worked as a person who set up the jewelry at like JC Penney and Macy's.Her she eventually landed in a job that she did like where she worked at an assisted living home and she was giving back to people.I asked her, I said, I I said, why didn't you chase your dreams?You know, when she was younger, she was a model and then she painted and she had all these dreams and she said, I wasn't taught to believe when you went to school, you went to school, they told youyou're supposed to do this, you're supposed to get a job, and you're supposed to not make a mess.You're not supposed to make the world tries to tell you not to make a mess.They try to be really clean and you got to do as you're told and you got to get your job and then you got to go here and then you got to do this and then for 30 years
you work and then maybe you'll get social security and there's like they're telling you all these things and we're just supposed to sit back and take them at face value and just listen.The reason why I want this book to happen is because I know there's so many people out there that have ideas, thoughts, concepts, uh musical ability, acting talent that can make the world a better place and and andand inspire us and change us.Thank you for saying that because I do get both sad and frustrated because I see that inside every single person there is this untapped potential.There is a story to tell.There is a song to sing.There is a book to write.There is a a difference to make.There's something to build, to create, to connect with.And I think it is so sad.And I and I say sad because I can see now looking backwards, Benny, the decades, the decades where I was the one who was in my way.
I was the loudest no.I was the one saying it's not going to work.I was the one saying not you, not now.Who do you think you are?What are people going to think?That I was the one that blocked it.And I think for a lot of us that is the biggest barrier to starting and you'll never believe if you don't actually see yourself start taking that first step.You know one of the things you talk about Benny is that life is like a stool and that there are three legs to really focus on and I think this is really helpful particularly if everything feels overwhelming.
Okay.I have a stool here.
Yep.So your life is this stool.Okay.So this is success.This is this is the end goal.Okay.Now you have three legs.A stool is made of three legs.Okay.Now Mel, when you're when you're thinking of what three things are that make up your life, what what are they?You know, most people say, you know, like career, relationship, self-care, health, whatever it is, whatever your three are.What are your three?Just just you.It doesn't have to be the same as mine.
Oh, well, it would definitely be like relationships and family kind of.
Okay.So, family is right here
for sure.
Okay.
Uh the other one would be like it would be really about like purpose and impact.So, it's kind of career.
Okay.You know, like Yeah.And impact.
Purpose and impact.
Yeah.And then the uh third would be health.Cuz if you don't have your health, you don't have a life.
Okay.Health.I don't have three arms, but I'm I'm grabbing all these stool these these these uh legs.Okay.So, let's say let's say you're crushing it.You own a company.You're you have the Ferrari, the Lamborghini, everything's good, but your kids hate you.Okay.So that's your that's that's that's the relationship in family.Okay.Your kids hate you.Okay.So now I'm going to let go.Okay.What just happened?
Uh your life sucks.
Your life is sucks.Okay.Now we're we're we're pulling this back up.In life when you can get that combination of the three, then nothing stopping you.Nothing nothing in the world.And it's and and I I I recently got that.I recently got that in probably the last 5 years.And I feel more stable
than I ever have in my entire life.And if all those those little pegs, those legs are strong,
then you're rocking.If they aren't, you got to realign.Sometimes you got to step back.You got to get up and do my method.You got to do whatever it is to realize that it's not working.
Yeah.Everything can wait until I get this back in balance.
Exactly.
That's your method.
Benny talks about how timing shaped his relationship with Selena and how therapy helped him clarify what he wanted in a partner. He shares the list of qualities he used to guide his choices and avoid settling.
I want to read to you from your best-selling book.This is page 108.And it's really about timing,
okay?
And the importance of timing.Everything in life is about timing.My relationship with Selena is another great example.We first met about 15 years ago.We worked together five or 6 years after that and then again five or 6 years after that and had a casual friendship during the time.Then we started dating a few years after that.Now she's my wife.We always talk about how it never would have worked out if it were at a different time or place in our lives because neither one of us would have likely been ready.So, what had to change about your life in order for the timing to be right and for you to be ready to have the relationship that you have now?
I had to figure out that work life balance.I was filling up the career side a little too much.Um, I had to get healthy and that means physically, mentally, all of that.Um, I had to understand myself.M
I think I also had to learn um I was always I always wanted to do so much.I wanted to fulfill my destiny.I had so many things I wanted to do and I realized over time it doesn't have to happen overnight.It can honestly sometimes waiting and and and and getting there slowly makes it even better when you get to the finish line.
So, was it even on your radar?I mean, you guys knew each other for 15 years, which I find to be really interesting.
No, she asked me out.There's imposter syndrome.I I didn't even think of it.I wasn't even on my radar as if it would be a date.And then when we were on our first date, she's like, "Well, I I wouldn't have worn this if it was our" And I said, "De?"Oh, wow.Okay.And then then I'm thinking about it like that.No, it wasn't even I always think those are the best type of relationships when you're friends with someone and you know them and then once you are there, it's like there's not too much learn.Like it's always so scary starting a new relationship.It's like being with a new therapist.It's like, oh, I got to tell I was already with someone.They know my backstory.What?I got to I got to catch you up to 38 years of speed.So, it's like so she already knew she knew me at obviously didn't know me deeply like that, but she knew me and there was there was a rapport there.
So, it made it easy and comfortable.
How did you get clear about what you actually wanted?cuz you said something that struck me about like really understanding how you wanted to love and be loved.
I wrote a list with my therapist.
You did?
Yep.My therapist.We made a list
of what?
I'll tell you exactly what we did.We I said, "I really want to find the right partner and I'm doing something wrong.I'm I'm doing I can't find the person that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, and I want to do that.and we came up with some guidelines and a list.Okay.First, he said, "I want you to write down what you think your ideal partner should be."Okay.
Mhm.
The first thing on my list was age appropriate.Okay.So, I wanted to date someone that was the I I you have to be very honest with yourself and I said,
I have never had that on a list.I mean, that is like
So, that was that was I I age appropriate.Okay.Okay.Then the second thing on my list was um someone who's nice, nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who's a nice person.Okay.The third thing on my list was I wanted someone who woke up generally happy, who wasn't so sad when they woke up.And if they were sad, they were doing something about it.like they were going to therapy.They were taking medicine if they need to.They were doing yoga.They were actively trying to cuz sometimes people just wake up sad.That's just part of how it is.Um and and I had a list of things and these were like broad things.It wasn't like I want their like left toe longer than their right.Like these are like broad things and if it didn't meet those like first five or six things couldn't even pursue.
Don't waste your time.Don't don't waste your time.Wow.I I want to just broaden this to the person listening because as I hear this story, I can't help but think what would be on my list.
Yeah.
And as we think about taking on this exercise, because it's true, you can get so focused on the outside or the chemistry or whatever it may be that you don't stop and think on an average Tuesday,
yeah,
who is it that I want to be with and what does it feel like and what's important to me?And I'm not sure a lot of us have ever stopped to write that down.So, if you had to give if you had to give some counsel to the person who's listening about like guidelines about the list, what would you say?Okay, if you're going to do this,
cut off all the people right now that you know aren't on that list.Even if it's easy, it's something like for your sake and for their sake, cut off all the people that don't make the list you're about to make.I think you need to find someone that's both nice to themselves and nice to you.
Okay?I think you need to find someone that you can imagine spending the rest of your life with.Like you have to you're you're essentially trying to find your best friend.Okay.Does that person make you laugh?Can you be fine staying home and not going out with any of your friends and not having FOMO because you're with the best person in the world?Cuz I know I can.I know I could let everything else in the world happen and it doesn't matter.Doesn't matter.I'm with my best friend.
Mel and Benny close by turning the conversation into practical advice: make a list, choose one goal, and move it forward today. Benny emphasizes that if you do not quit, you cannot truly fail.
One of the things I love about this recommendation of making a list is that you mentioned that a lot of people struggle with feeling worthy and so you end up settling for somebody that doesn't treat you that well.The simple act of making this list and allowing yourself to consider what you actually want is an act of saying I'm worthy of it.So Benny, I if the person who's listening
Yes.takes one action after listening to everything that you have taught us and shared with us today.What do you think the most important thing to do after listening to this is?
I want you to do a few things.I don't want you to do one thing.I want you to write after right after this is done.Okay?I want you to either grab a pen, paper, your cell phone, however you want to write things down, your laptop, and I want you to make a list of something you want to do.Maybe it's one thing, maybe it's 10 things, maybe it's 20.I want you to make a list of some things you want to do.And I want you to pinpoint just one you're going to focus on right now.Okay?If one comes to mind, 20 comes to mind.Find that one you're going to focus on.Okay?Then I want you to make another list of the first things you have to put together to to get that moving in the right direction.Then I want you today, not tomorrow, today go like this and move it even a centimeter forward.
Okay?And then just keep that same momentum.And you know, some days you might let it sit still or it might go back one inch, but I want you to keep doing that.And I promise you, I promise you, you will be in a better place than you were before you started this podcast.
What if it all works out?
Not what if, it will all work out.
That's true.Especially if you don't quit.Like I think that's actually the secret.It works out if you don't quit.Like you can't fail if you don't quit.
The episode wraps with final encouragement to be yourself, pursue what fulfills you, and ignore outdated expectations. Mel thanks listeners and sends them off with a reminder of belief, hope, and action.
You can't.You can't.You might still be working at the same thing for a while, but you're not gonna fail.
That's right, Benny Blanco.What are your parting words?
Try to do what you want that's going to like fulfill you.And don't just go along with what you were taught to by like some archaic thing in a textbook.And yeah, be yourself cuz everyone else is taken.
Benny Blanco.
5 4 3 2 1 Oh my god.There he goes everybody.Benny Blanco.And before I sign off, I want to make sure I acknowledge you.Thank you for hitting play.Thank you for listening all the way to the end.I am so excited that you got to experience this.And thank you in advance for sharing a little Benny Blanco wisdom with everybody in your life.And one more thing, in case no one else tells you this today, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability tocreate a better life.There is no doubt in my mind that there was something very specific that Benny shared today that was exactly what you needed to hear right now.So, go do it.All righty.I'll see you in the very next episode.
I'm going to welcome you in the moment you hit